Regrets and Realisations| JJK Oneshot

Regrets and Realisations

"I wouldn't have left if you had just asked me to stay." Jungkook's voice was almost a whisper.

"Jungkook, what the hell?!" Aera was frozen. After having no contact for months, the boy had shown up at her doorstep in the middle of the night with no explanation.

Jungkook was drenched. His typically chocolate brown hair was black with water, pasted to his forehead; water dripped down from his clothes and his hair, mimicking tear stains on his cheeks.

"Get inside," was all Aera said before dragging the boy into her house. She used a towel to dry his hair off before forcing him to change into his own white crewneck and sweatpants, which he had left at her house ages ago.

The boy moved like a zombie throughout all of this, like any life inside of him had left him. He simply did what she told him to, eyes drifting between her face and the ground. Not once did they look into each other's eyes, though. Aera's were always focussed on the task at hand, studiously avoiding his gaze.

After fifteen minutes, Aera was the one to break the silence. Her living room was spacious, but the tension in the air was suffocating. The rain slammed into the windows in a harsh cacophony, and a single lamp in the corner of the room painted the room in a dim yellow. It was well past midnight, and the two stood facing each other.

"Why are you here Jungkook," she was looking at the floor, her fingers fidgeting with her nails.

"I'm here for you, Aera, and I wouldn't have left in the first place if you had asked me to stay," he repeated.

"I asked you to stay a million times before that! Every time you left me, I begged you not to. Nothing would have changed if I had asked, Kook, and how was I supposed to ask you to stay if you just disappeared?!" Their eyes finally met, and the pure, raw emotion was clear as day.

Jungkook's dark eyes were brimming with regret. The regret of leaving the love of his life, the regret of shouting all those hateful words at her, the regret of months spent without Aera.

On the other hand, Aera's eyes shone with hurt. Just when she was finally finding happiness, he shows up. She could feel her walls breaking down again, the ones she had carefully constructed around her heart. But Aera wasn't about to give in to Jungkook again.

"Aera, please," Jungkook took a step towards her, while Aera took a step back. A look of hurt flashed across Jungkook's features; he paused his actions and continued, "you know I love you."

"No. I don't know that." She shook her head. "I waited for months, Kook," she hugged her arms around herself, "I tried reaching you, I went to your house, called you a hundred times. All I wanted was for you to explain; explain to me why the hell you were leaving this time!" her voice broke, and she laughed, but there was no humour in her chuckles. "But it was all a game to you, Kook. It always has been. I'm just a stupid fucking game; you forget about me until you're bored. I don't exist unless you want me to, and you only love me when it's convenient for you," she was shaking now, the sobs fighting to take over, but Aera was determined to not let them.

She didn't notice when it had happened, but Jungkook now stood an arm's length away from her, close enough to touch him if she wanted to. And she wanted to. She wanted to run her fingers through his now-dry hair, she wanted to poke that little mole under his lip like she always did, she wanted to kiss the tiny scar on his cheek.

Jungkook's voice broke her out of her thoughts, "That's not true, Aera, I—I—"

"You what?!"

"I thought you were seeing someone else!"

"W-what?" Aera was taken aback; she wasn't expecting this.

Jungkook and Aera had been together—if you could call it that—for almost two years. They fought endlessly, but they stayed by each other. In retrospect, they were toxic, all they did was cause pain and hurt each other, and Aera could see that clearly, but back then, she had been in love. At least, that's what she thought.

Jungkook would come over to her place, drunk out of his mind, and say whatever he wanted to. His words hurt her, but Aera would endure it because in the morning, Jungkook was a different person. He was the boy she loved. He would shower her with hugs and kisses, bringing her lunch and whispering sweet compliments and false promises.

Jungkook sighed, pushing his hair off his forehead, "You were acting so distant, you wouldn't be home when I went over, and you were always on the phone, Aera! What was I supposed to do?"

"Talk to me! You could've just asked me! And I would've told you how stressed I was with work. It was work, Kook," she scoffed, unable to believe his words, tears brimming in her eyes. "You could have trusted me," her voice was a whisper.

"Aera," he took a step forward, and this time Aera stood still. "I'm sorry. Please come back to me."

Forgive him, her heart begged, wanting to surrender and hide in the comfort of Jungkook's arms. But the rational side of her knew better. After listening to her heart for two years, Aera was done. She knew what she wanted was different from what she needed, and suddenly all her tears were gone. Aera was filled with confidence in her decision, burying the pain deep underneath.

"I never left," she said. The boy suddenly looked hopeful, and he wrapped his arms around Aera, her face nuzzled in the crook of his neck.

Aera let herself find comfort in the fleeting moment because she knew she would never feel this again. She would never feel his warmth surrounding her, his scent of lemongrass, his soft kisses on her hair. She would never feel how perfectly well they fit together right now. Slowly, gently, she pushed him away.

Jungkook's smile faltered, eyes confused, but his arms still hung loosely around her waist.

"I never left, Kook. You did." Aera gave him a small smile.

"Please, believe me, I can't live without you. I haven't had a drink in the last four months, Aera. I'll never treat you like that again." Tears fell freely, staining Jungkook's cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to put myself through that again. I can't."

Jungkook's hands dropped to his side, and his head hung low. "I guess I'm too late then."

Aera took his hands in hers and kissed his cheek, "Thank you for leaving Kook. You helped me find myself and made me realize I'm worth so much more than what you put me through." There was no malice in her words, she was being honest, and Jungkook could sense that, so he remained silent.

"I loved you, Kook, but it's time we end this. Please leave Jungkook. And don't come back this time."

Her eyes faced the ground, unable to meet him. Jungkook squeezed her hands once and let go, grabbing his things and quietly leaving just as suddenly as he had shown up.

Aera stood alone in her living room, the yellow lamp glowing in the room as the rain played a soothing melody against the window. She walked to the window and watched the retreating figure of Jungkook's back. He shut the door of the taxi, and it sped off into the distance. It was painful, knowing this was the last time she would see him, but it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, one she didn't even know was there. And to her surprise, after months of being on her own, the house felt less empty, and Aera felt relieved. 

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The end