Colleagues | Jesse Klaver x Rob Jetten | English

Part 17

Trigger Warning: Abusing

-Jesse-

"We should talk Rob..." I look at him. "I know" he says and let's out a big sigh. "So uhm.." I take a deep breath. Why did this even happen to us? Why can't we just be together without having so much shit going on.. "As you know I'm still not even out to my parents and family yet.. and I absolutely don't want to rush" I say. "I know. But-" he starts. "But what? You want me to come out??" I look at him with big eyes. "No! Well.. I can't keep it a secret anymore Jesse! I don't want to live in silence. I already experienced something like that earlier and I don't want that.." I can't believe him. "Are you serious?? You want me to come out even though I'm not ready? And you realize that one of us has to quit their job if we come out right?" He looks down. "Yes" "Well if I have to come out because you can't keep it a secret, I think you should quit because I can't quit my job!" I say to him. My heart is racing and my blood is rushing trough my veines.

"That's not fair..." he whines. "NOT FAIR?! ROB ARE YOU INSANE?" I stand up from the couch and put down my plate with a bang. "You are not going to make this about you. Because if that is what this is about, I'm done" I whisper out of anger. I look down on him. He just looks at the carpet. "Are you gonna say anything?" I feel adrenaline rushing trough me. It is silent. "I can't fucking believe you!" I grab my bag from the ground and walk angry to the front door. "Jesse wait!" Rob stand up and walks to me. I have one foot outside. "Asshole!" I scream at him and shut his door with a bang. I angrily take my bike and start cycling home.

I can't fucking believe this... First Mark gives us two options and then Rob makes it all about him. Never did I expect that from him... I can't come out right now. I'm so not ready to do that. Also, if we both come out to the public, people won't take us seriously anymore. We will get lots of hate and treads. I don't want that. Nobody wants that!

I throw my bike into the bush in front of my door. I yank the key into the door and open it. I'm still so fucking mad. When I close the door I clench my fist and slam it against the hard wood. "Aaaah!" I scream at the pain that goes through my hand and squeeze my eyes. Adrenaline flows through me and I slam a few times against the door. "Fuck!". Tears starts running down my face and I lean against the door with my back. Fuck everyone! I let myself slide down the wood and sit on the ground. Tears are flooding and I bury my face into my hands. Sniffs and grunts fill the hallway.

An hour goes by and I finally have the energy to pull myself up. I eat a bowl of plain yoghurt and take a hot shower before I let myself fall into my mattress. I snuggle my head into the pillow and curl up my body. Then a familiar smell comes into my nose. Rob... I smell the pillow and take his cologne stain up. I miss him already.. But I'm mad. Shouldn't think about him. I feel emotions coming up again and the tears sting behind my eyes. I let them flow and close my eyes. Not much later I fall asleep with dried up tears on my face...

____________________

-Rob-

"Jesse wait!" I lift myself and quickly walk towards him. "Asshole!" He screams at me and I hear the door slamming shut. Fuck what did I do... I've never seen him this mad in my whole life. Not even at the debates... I walk towards the couch and let myself fall. I burry my head in my hands. I fucked up real bad. It's just... I don't want to live in silence. Memories come floating back...

-
"Piece of shit!" I feel a burning feeling on my jaw. He just slammed his fist onto my face. My hand immediately grabs my jaw. "Don't you dare open that little mouth of yours and tell people about this! I'll kill you with my bare hands you fagg" He screams and spits in my face. Then he walks away and leaves me in the bathroom. I'm sitting in the bathtub. Completely naked. Will is my boyfriend. Well, I don't want him to be but I have no choice because he threatens to murder me if I leave him. We started dating 10 months ago but after a few weeks he started being very abusive against me. I'm not out of the closet yet, and everytime I want to tell someone about our relationship, he pushes me, slaps me, touches me.... Today my mom came to visit and we talked about relationships. Not about Will ofcourse, he was hiding in my office the entire time. No one knows about him. When she left, he leaded my to the bathroom, undressed me, and when I was at my high, he slapped me. Screaming to me about how I can't tell anyone. And now. Here I am again..
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I feel the tears streaming down my face. That was one of the worst things that ever happend to me. And Will and I went on for another 2 years. I was 15 when it happend, he was 19. I eventually told my mom and we called the police. Will got arrested and spend 3 years in prison for abusing. Only my dad, mom and sister know about it. I went to therapy for a few weeks. But yeah, it still haunts me sometimes. Which I why I just want my family to know. Not that I don't trust Jesse, I do. But I feel a little caught up. But yeah, I'm not gonna tell him about this. There's no need to...

Poor Rob... I found it so hard writing this chapter. It's just not fun...