Solace & Salvation

Sleep...
Satoru hate it.
Because whenever he close his eyes, he will see 'him'.
A man with long black hair he used to adore so much, a pair of black onyx eyes he used to drown himself into so much, and a smiling soft lips he used to kiss lovingly so much back then.
All tainted with blood...
He hated it.
Because its a reminder how he once bare himself openly for someone, show his human side to someone, and giving his whole heart and entire being to someone for the first time.
But what did he get?
He end up with holding a shattered pieces of his heart at the end.

Satoru didn't want to admit it.
But he would be lying if he say Suguru betrayal doesn't hurt.
It's the worst feeling ever...even more than when he get stabbed by that jerk 'Toji' or when he failed to save Amanai.
His world crumble down the day Suguru left then it's completely falling apart after he killed him.
After that, Satoru can only pick his shattered heart piece by piece and lock it somewhere deep inside his cracked soul, hidden and protected by his infinity.
'Never again...' he thought.
If being a human only bring despair for him, Satoru will just live as the 'God', as 'The Strongest' being.
Never show his emotion nor feeling attached to anyone anymore.
It's will be only him and him alone, The Honored One.

[ When you die, you are alone... ]

Satoru feel the bed shift as he was slowly become more aware of his surrounding.
Its took some moment for Satoru to process on what happened and who is this pink haired boy staring intently at him with his warm honey-gold irises.
'Yuuji...' he whispered so softly afraid if he being too loud, the boy will dissapear.

Yuuji smiled, then scoot closer to Satoru.
One of his hand reach out to brush aside the sweaty snow white bangs.
Yuuji rough but gentle fingers padding softly on his hair, caressing it softly.
Satoru can feel all of his anxiety dissipating.
His tense shoulder begin to go slack and his breathing become calmer.
He let himself soak into Yuuji warm and gentle presence, eyes never leaving Yuuji as if to reassure himself its really not another dream.
Yuuji didn't say anything the whole time and keep stroking his hair.

Its not the first time Yuuji has seen Satoru waking up from nightmare.
Satoru never scream or cry when he is having a nightmare.
His face will be scrunched up as if he was in pain, sweat running down his temple, his breathing uneven, mouth opening slightly in silent gasp before his six eyes snapped open wide automatically searching for any sign of danger or threat.
But no sound ever come out.
Satoru never allow himself to show any weakness no matter what.
Not even in his sleep.
Yuuji know better not to approach Satoru when he is like that.
So he wait....he wait till Satoru turn to his side and call his name.
And Yuuji will instantly envelope him in warm hug, cradling Satoru head to his chest, humming a small tune.
Just like how his grandpa did to him whenever he is having a nightmare.
They didn't talk about it...
Because that's not what Satoru need.
What he need is a constant pressure of Yuuji warm body against his, Yuuji feathery kiss on his face to soothe him, also most importantly is the constant beating of Yuuji heart.
A solid prove that Yuuji is truly there.

Its not that Satoru doesn't trust Yuuji to talk about Suguru either.
Satoru will tell him everything, but at the same time he think its unfair to drag Yuuji on his past regret and mistake.
The boy have suffered enough.
Its a story and memory which belong to his younger self of the past time and its should stay that way.
He no longer the same person as his past self.
And Yuuji understand that.
That's why he never ask and simply just hold him.

Satoru can feel his eyelids begin to grow heavy.
Yuuji comforting scent fill his sense, lulling him to sleep.
After Suguru, he thought he would never feel this safe and peaceful again.
How wrong he is...
Yuuji is a force of nature who just come barreling through Satoru infinity, taking every piecea of his heart out.
And without Satoru permission, slowly put it back together again while holding into it with utmost care.
Filling it with so much unconditional love and affection despite all of his shortcoming and flaws.
Filling the void of his heart so full till Satoru feel like he is floating.
Can you blame him for loving Yuuji Itadori after all of this?

People will say this is wrong.
Does Satoru care? NO.
Yuuji will though...because he is kind and doesn't want anyone to suffer because of him.
He wouldn't let Yuuji worry about it.
Yuuji doesn't need to know what kind of ending Satoru will choose.

[When Yuuji die, he wouldn't be alone]

Now Yuuji belong to him, he also belong to Yuuji.
Satoru is unwilling to let him go.
He want Yuuji to do the same too.
'We will choose our hell together. Fuck Sukuna and those shitty old man'
As long as he can be with Yuuji, Satoru will do anything.
Maybe he has become too obsessed with Yuuji.
Yet he know he isn't gonna regret this.

Loving Suguru was never a mistake nor he ever regret it too.
Satoru only regret is he can't save Suguru from his own curse.
He wouldn't do the same mistake with Yuuji.
Suguru once has been his one and only solace at that time.
For that, Satoru will always be grateful.
But Yuuji will be his eternal salvation.
Now and forever...
With that thought, Satoru finally let himself succumb to darkness once again.
'I love you....sweet dream' is the last thing he hear.