Unexplainable

Chapter 1

Jay's P.O.V.

       How did this happen? How did we let this happen? How did I let this happen? Kim was missing. God, we have to find her. Oh god...Makayla what are we supposed to tell her. That girl has been through so much. Everyone's tensions are high. Ruzek was the one that found her car. Hailey had just found the car that looks pretty much like it's our car, and it looked like Kim was in the backseat. She better be ok.
        I don't know why, but I just felt this need for her to be ok...to protect her. It's the same one I was feeling when Hailey and Kim were kidnapped a couple of years ago. I thought that it was mainly because of Hailey, but now it's pretty obvious that it's not. I don't know what this feeling is, or why I'm feeling it. The only thing I do know is that Kim better be ok, and when we get her back I'm going to do everything I can to protect her...and Makayla.
        Sarge is making us focus on Roy, and we got the location of his uncle. He said we didn't have time for a warrant. One thing I know is that Kim wouldn't like how Ruz and Voight are doing this. I want to get her back more than anyone, for some reason, but she wouldn't want it to be like this.
         Why did I want to get her back so badly? I mean obviously I care about her, but this drive to get to her wasn't something just because I care. I don't understand it, but one thing I do know is that I can't let my emotions get to me, not until we have Kim, not like Ruz.

         There was no one in that car. A part of me is grateful that Kim wasn't there, but she's still out there somewhere, probably hurt. There's a phone, but that is just a bunch of lines to cross. Adam is not having any of this.
         "What are we doing! We don't know what they are doing to her, right now! Screw the law! You don't care!" Does he really not get it?
         "Are you kidding me Ruz? We care! You think that we don't?!? Kim would want us to do this the right way!" Apparently what I said just pissed him off more.
         "Seriously Halstead, what about Makayla?! Are you not thinking of her?" What?
          "Of course I'm thinking about her! All anyone wants here is to make sure that Kim gets home safe to Makayla!"
          "Alright...Alright that's enough you two. Ruz go take a walk. Take a walk!" Good thing Voight stepped in. When Ruz left Kev followed after him, and Voight stormed into his office.
          "You know you can't blame him right."
          "Hailey are you serious. He should know to keep his head calm during stuff like this."
         "But it's different...it's Kim. He cares about her..."
         "Are you saying that I don't?" I know I shouldn't have snapped at her, but why the hell is everyone questioning whether or not I care for Kim. I do, they shouldn't be questioning that, even if I don't know to the extent. I care, and I'm gonna make sure when we get her back she doesn't question it.
Then there was yelling from where Kev and Ruz went started. Hailey and I burst there to find them in a physical fight. God is this whole team falling apart?
          "No...Guys we are not doing this right now!"
          "Someone we love is missing!" Yeah...love.

          Well the team is broken up. Hailey, Ruzek, and Voight are doing the anti reform stuff. While Kev, Trudy, and I are doing the legal stuff. If Kim was here she would be right here with us, right? Instead of Trudy it would be Kim. God why couldn't she be here? She's the glue to this team. Kim keeps Ruzek on his leash, makes sure Kev doesn't get too engulfed in the chaos that is police reform, makes sure Hailey isn't so work centric, is able to calm Voight down better than almost anyone (maybe not Platt), and me. I've never realized it before but she does little things for me. Being able to distract me from a case for a couple minutes by telling me a story about Zoe or more recently Makayla when I start to get to involved, talk out a theory with me when Hailey doesn't feel like listening (which is happening more recently now that I think of it), being the only person that I can talk too about the Cubs game that happened the night before (she's a big fan), and she just does these small gestures that keep me grounded. When emotions are getting too high she'll sometimes squeeze my hand, or she'll send a smile my way. Even if we barely work together Kim has this way of calming me down, and I needed that.

 
    We found her. Kev and I found her. As soon as I saw her in the front seat of that car I ran, probably faster than I ever have, but I got to her. Kim had a pulse, barely, but it was there. I carried her out of the front seat and sat down in the back with her on my lap while Kev got the car started. I wasn't about to let her go. She was shot; that much I could tell. It seems like she was able to put pressure on the wound which is good. I didn't want to check in case it started bleeding more so all I can do is hold her; try to give her at least some comfort. Then she started to shift slightly, and then she opened her eyes.
    "Jay..." I can not describe the relief that flowed through me when she said my name.
    "Hey Kim, save your energy. You're safe." She didn't say anything else, just squeezed my hand, and sent me a pained smile. It wasn't as comforting as it normally is, but it did help just a bit.
   

    It felt wrong leaving the hospital...her...while it was still so uncertain whether or not she would live. For some reason I just felt like I needed to be there for her. I can't explain it. I was just getting changed, and grabbing some extra clothes to be able to wait at the hospital. Hailey, Will, and I were supposed to meet up at the hospital. Which was why I was surprised to hear the door open and see the blonde woman walk through.
    "Hey, I thought you were meeting me at the hospital?"
    "Yeah, I am. How's she doing?"
    "She's still in surgery so we're not gonna know more until she's out, but you know, Burgess is tough. She's strong as hell. She's been through the worst, and she's made her way back. Did you and Voight find any leads?"
    "You okay?" Something was off with her.
    "All right, well Will's meeting us there, so we should get going."
    "I love you, Jay." Where is this coming from?
    "I love you too."
    "You're just so decent and I just..."
    "Hey, hey...it's okay. We're gonna be okay."
    "I don't want to be without you."
    "You're not gonna be."
    "Maybe we should get married. I'm serious. Let's get married." No. I don't know why really, but I knew that this was wrong. If my immediate reaction is no then I'm gonna trust my gut on this. It did help me and Kevin find Kim today.
    "Well...Jay..."
    "No." I'm not trying to be mean.
    "What, but..."
    "Hailey everyone has had a really emotional day today, and this isn't a decision that you just decide randomly. We are all still running on adrenaline so let's just cool down. Everyone needs to take a breath. Now I'm gonna go to the hospital, and you can come when you're ready." I left. Well more like bolted, but I just had to get out of there. Not so much away, well ok that a little, but I just had this unexplainable urge that I needed to be there for Kim.