𝙎𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙖𝙡_ 𝓢𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓚𝓪𝓶𝓲

ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟜

My eyes moved on the clock I had near my books on the desk.

10:56pm.

I was lying on my bed with a ton of new bruises on me. She didn't even care where she hit me. I had another bad, visible bruise on my neck.

I released a shaky breath. I got up and headed to the bathroom, where I hid the blade. I took it out from the cabinet.

I stared at it and bit my lower lip.

Do it.

But... Hitoshi told me not to...

What does he care about? He's just pitying you.

Right...

Do it.

I nodded and cut myself again, again and again, not even counting how many cuts I had by then.

The blade kept plowing into my skin, almost like it wasn't me controlling it. More, more, more blood. 

Until I almost fainted in the bathroom.

******

I changed my bandages and went to school.

When I entered the classroom, Hitoshi was already there, tapping furiously on the desk with a finger. When he saw me, he seemed relieved and the tapping came to an end, his shoulders dropped and a smile appeared on his face.

I sat at my desk and he tried talking to me, but I showed no interest. He shot a furious glance at the bandages.

"Did you do it again...?" he muttered.

I started taking out my books. "What do you care?" I hissed, not looking at him.

"I do care! I told you not to do it again!" he whisper-shouted.

I didn't look at him and raised my eyebrows. "And I made it clear it's none of your business."

He sighed loudly and took out his books too, staring at me.

Lessons passed quite quickly.

It was a new routine: me not talking to Hitoshi. Being bullied. Spending time alone. Getting kicked at home. Cutting myself. Thinking on how to suicide the best way but, for some reason, never doing it.

After a week and a half, I ran out of the will to live again. I wanted to kill myself, to end that suffering right away.

During the last class of the day, Hitoshi handed me a note, careful of sensei's gaze.

Can we talk?

His writing was elegant. Unlike mine.

I answered him.

About what?

Do you think I don't notice the new bandages every damn day?

I do, actually

Kaminari, this is serious.

What do you care about? We're talking about me, if I get it right, and I'm perfectly fine. Stop worrying about nothing

Nothing?! You call that "nothing"?!

Don't get mad at me. I'm fine

Kaminari Denki. You're not fine and you're aware.

I looked away. I knew I wasn't. But I wanted to keep lying to him. I didn't want him to be part of my suffering.

I gave him the note back, not bothering to write an answer.