Love hurts

6 -10 yo me

It just began there, when I first saw her It was at school I was 6 after 3-4 months I started feeling something different about her, u know I loved her so I was like so young and I was dumb too u know as a really really young age ur gonna take really dumb descions too

So I tried everyday to talk with her we sit talking to each other every day, it started being a habit and then Im like I'm so happy I have and I actually liked it that way, I was the happiest kid u'll ever see but I started getting older and started doing dumb stuff I don't even remember them but all I remember is that most of them was something to her so she started taking a different look at me, when I was like 9 I got invited to a whatsapp group to our class and I saw her number and I started sending her stuff I don't even remember, then her mom so her, she did me a problem at school, I don't remember if they told my mom or not but they did me a problem at school, and she never talks to me after this, yup exactly I was at a ready young age where I don't even realize what I have done wrong and that's where depression starts

We're 11 year olds now got kinda old at least so I wanted to tell her that I love her one day but I had to say sorry first I went and said sorry and she just shook her head up and down and kept looking at me while I'm walking, I really love her for anything she's just perfect in everything she does, now I'm 12 and everyday I'm like: ur going to go school talk with her then when u feel it I'll tell her ok?

Day by day passes failing in everything in my life and I can't do anything, theres like some weird feeling in my heart that I can't get it out which is depression listening to sad music all day disappointing my mom in everything and that's where I think of suicide its like someone dragged me made go to the balcony and someone was like go for it, u suck anyways what if u don't go for it ull be happy ahahaha and then i just throwed myself and I woke up it felt so real maybe cause I wanted to do that

I wake up go to school same thing it feels so baaaaaaaaad

Inside me

Like In the moment Im writing this rn I haven't hung out with my freinds for 6 months

And its just this feeling inside of me maybe... All from her

So now yesterday I just decided to tell her that I'm not enough for her and I suck and I spent 2 hours typing and then she replied "ok"

And now

I can never be with her

Chances are 0

So I couldve just been with her but look at me

Just failing again

Nothing new

I just want to stop writing here

Im getting tired

Thank u for reading

(Story doesn't include alot of moments from her including me telling her best freind I love her and she started being so annoyed from me and never replied to me after the main reason she was talking to me.is that I'm sad)