a year of sundays || Chaennie

Epilougue - Part 1

warning: mentions of homophobia
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You might panic at first but just keep reading
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It's been just under six months and Jennie has come to the illogical conclusion that even the air tastes different now that Chaeyoung isn't a main player in her life anymore. She remembers talking to her friends about it at college, when it first happened, about how food just wasn't as satisfying and sleep wasn't as easy and they all made noises in the right places and would regurgitate lines about time healing all wounds and how she needs to go through each stage of grief and own it.

Which is all bullshit in her very valid opinion because time does heal all wounds and it doesn't hurt like it used to but Chaeyoung is no longer hers and, honestly, it's the worst feeling in the world. Just because she doesn't cry at night or physically long for Chaeyoung's touch as she did in those first few weeks doesn't mean that she still doesn't feel that loss, that pain.

On her worst days, she remembers everything. She looks through pictures and images of a younger Chaeyoung and her younger self smile back at her, shoulders and cheekbones fading from sun-kissed and freckled all the way through to wrapped in layers and dusted with snow. There are presents that she reminds herself of, little gifts they've given one another, and they make her smile. It all makes her smile and cry and laugh she wonders if she should do such a thing but then she stops and thinks and she knows that of course, she should smile! Being with Chaeyoung was the happiest time of her life and denying that, being sad about it, is almost a disservice to everything that they went through.

When they broke up it was easy. Jennie is very aware that, for some, those words don't make sense but she and Chaeyoung have never done anything the simple way. It was painful and scary and awful when they broke up, yes. But it was easy. Because it was through communication and understanding and mutual love for one another that it happened. And she knows, they both know, that it isn't forever anyway.

It can't be.

Jennie once vowed to herself that she would love Chaeyoung forever the moment that the blonde kissed her with her caramel sweet tongue.

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"It's okay. The bedroom isn't much to rave about but the kitchen is big and the backyard is awesome so I can't complain," her dad tells her when she asks about his new house and she keeps a smile on her face in an attempt to sound happy when she speaks to him.  The thought of her parents not living together hurts her a lot, especially when she knows she's the main cause of their breakdown, and she tries not to dwell on it too much. "I think you'll like it. You can help me pick out some things the next time you come home. I think it needs a real artist's touch to make it pop."

"One daughter complete with interior designs coming your way in the near future," she laughs softly and she puts her hand over her eyes when he cheers down the phone, completely embarrassed by his antics despite being alone in her bedroom and with nobody in her shared house at all. "You're so lame."

"How dare you speak to such a cool and amazing dad like that?"

"Oh, I dare," Jennie grins and it's the widest she's smiled in absolute months. She will always and forever thank the stars that fate twisted and turned and adjusted just enough that Kim Changho was her father. "I'll let you know closer to the date when I'll be back but I already can't wait to see you, dad."

"I've missed you too, kid," he says and Jennie can hear the wistful sigh in her voice. In her mind's eye she sees him in his brown leather chair, his feet kicked up in front of him as he rests a cup of coffee on his stomach. She can practically smell his aftershave, the laundry detergent he uses, she can feel the softness of pillows beneath her as she sits in the room with him and meets eyes that look so much like hers. "Will Chaeyoung be coming back with you?"