Do you know I love you?

All I did was to love you

Silently Sanguin laid still while Tanith moved away from him.
Without a word she got out of the bed and started to dress.
Even now Sanguin said nothingh, there was no reason to.
He had learned out of his previous mistakes and stopped to ask her to stay with him in bed, even tough he desperately yarned for some human warmth.

I have a girlfriend, reflected Sanguin and still I feel alone.
Watching her get up, all he wants to do was take her hand in his and urge her to stay with him.
Come to me, Sanguin wants to ask, let us just lay next to each other.
I want nothingh more then to have someone lying next to me.
All I want is another human beeing to be next to me.
Not even for long.
Just half an hour.
Just show me that I mean somethingh to you.
Silently, he saw her dress.
Why can't you stay?
Why are you already leaving?, wondered Sanguin.
But he remained silent.
While Tanith walked towards the door he waited for a sign.
Some hint...
Somethingh.
Anythingh.
Maybe she would turn around at the last moment...
Only for a moment she would looked him...
But it would be enough to know that she cared for him.
At least a littel bit.
Just one sign.
Give me even the tiniest hint and I will be contend.
Tanith walked straight out of the door.
Sanguin laid in bed frozen for a second, before he got up himself.
Is that really all?, he thought while he too dressed.
Is that all I get from you?
 
Sometimes Sanguin wonders if they even can claim the term relationship for them.
Couples, in his opnion have feelings for each other.
They like
Love
Hate
Despise
Resent each other.
Tanith he thinks, feels neither of these thinghs.
He is just the means to an end.
 
Sometimes he thinks the ice is melting, when she genuine laughs or makes a jokes.
Sonetimes he catches genuine emotions flicker trough her eyes.
It almost is as if it was the real Tanith and not the remant.
Still.
When he lays his hands on her she takes her hand away.
When he tries to be romantic she looks at him as if he is crazy.
So he tries something different.
Just trying to spent time with her, as if they were friends.
Doesn't work.
Sometimes he wonders I anythingh will work.
Maybe Tanith just has lost the ability to really feel.
Still he stays with her.
Even if she will never feel anythingh fir him....
he still loves her.
Nothingh will ever change that.
Ever.
Not even if she will never feel a singel thingh.
Sanguin realises that after they have destroyed the god murder weapons.
That's when he asks her to marry him.
It is insane.
Nuts.
He loves her.
She says yes.
Who knows why.
It certainly isn't out of love.
But Sanguin doesn't ask.
Sometimes he thinks that he will never leave her, because she is the person he ever loved.
Some part of him us sure that she is going to be the only one.
Before her there was no one in his life and after her...
there will be no one.
Better, Sanguin thinks, to be rejected day by day, then to never have the chance to be rejected at all.
 
One time he actually sees something that he thinks is love or at least affection on her face.
It is when she looks at the tailor.
All he wants to do when he sees her looking at him like that...
With the love and affection, he wants...
All he wants to is murder Ghastly right on the spot.
At least he tries to.
But when she asks him to stop...
He stops.
I can't murder the one person she does love.
And adding to that he has the feeling that Ghastly could easily kill him, before he could kill Ghastly.
Not a niece thought.
He likes living.
 
There is no hint of emotion in her eyes when Ghastly dies.
All Sanguin feels is pure joy when he watches the guy die.
As long as he isn't the one killing him....
 
....
A part of him knows that it is over, when Tanith is free of the remant.
He still saves her from the wrath of the ones who would love to kill her.
He still loves her.
Even when she tells him that she has standards and would never date him.
That hurts.
It would hurt much more to let her die.
 
That is the same thingh he tells himself when he attacks the white cleaver.
It would hurt much more to let her die.
He loves her.
She will never love him.
And it is fine.
Amazingly enough he wins.
But the white cleaver dies what no living beeing can do it.
After Sanguin has "killed" the cleaver, the cleaver kills him.
As soon as the sythe cuts his troath open, he knows he will die.
And it won't be death in an abstract, far away way.
It will be now.
Right now.
I don't want to die, thinks Sanguin.
Nobody wants to.
I never told her I loved her.
His lips move.
No words come out.
She will live, without ever knowing it.
Nobody will ever truly know I loved her.
And I will die..
Will she even care?
Will anyone care?
Sanguins hand desperately try to keep the blood inside, but that only makes the blood run down on the inside oh his troath.
It makes him choke.
He is dying.
And he knows it.
I gave my life with the hope, that she will live...
Will she ever know that I did it out of love?
Will she understand that I truly loved her?
Will she ever think of me?
Sanguin doesn't know.
I don't want to die...
The world starts to fade away.
Maybe it doesn't matter..
If she knows.
Maybe dying for her is enough.
Maybe.
Maybe this one kast act of love, is enough to not have waste my life.
I love you.
Maybe one day you will know.