Throwback:Him

Tears falling down

                 * Lindsey's P.O.V*
it was an unusual day ,me and Finn were laying down on bed ,i was not quite awake ,while i was sleeping,i thought about my childhood . What was my childhood like ? it was traumatizing ,i lost mum at such a young age ,i was so young that i couldn't realize how much i needed her in my life . My dad got so emotional when he found out about mum's cancer ,so he started drinking and smoking a lot ,he was always so mad and couldn't control emotions . Ben and Lesley were the only ones i had after mums death, i realized how hard it was not having her . Perfect Marinate ,sweet and beautiful lady who always had everyones back ,she was the sweetest and cutest woman , i really miss her all day and i feel so bad i don't have her with me now that i am old enough. Dad always has my back and is always supportive with me ,every single time . He calls me princess and he never disappoints me , we watch movies all night ,dance to music we love ,sing karaoke ,do silly stuff  and so on . Dad would always tell me how beautiful mum was ,i always wanted to have her here as my best friend,like dad and Ben . I've always thought about mum making food for me , kissing my forehead and telling me : I love you my little girl , i would answer I love you too mum . It was my dream to have her in my life ,how would life be with her i wonder ,cancer took my mum faster than you can breath , i am always emotional when i realize how much she has struggled while having a disease like that , don't worry mum i will meet you some day , i promise . While i was thinking about all of this , Finn woke me up with a kiss on my lips, his lips touched mine so softly , i love it when he does that he is amazing boyfriend i've ever had . Actually i only had one boyfriend and he really broke my heart into pieces , he had torn my heart apart he had cheated on me and it was what broke me . Now i have an amazing boy called Finn who always protects me and knows what's best for me , he is everything for me and he never fails to make me smile all the time . As soon as Finn woke me up he picked me kissed me so many times and told me to get dressed because we had to go to set to film another episode . We both got dressed up and was heading up when i got text from Noah to meet him in closet because he had something to talk about something, i told Finn about his text so he said i could go to closet . When i went to closet Noah was crying, i got so worried so i hugged him , he started crying harder and told me he had so many issues with his health he said he had anxiety, mental health issues and bipolar disorder , i got so scared for him . I told Noah i would do anything to help him out , he was really not feeling good , i understood him a lot ,fans were even realizing that Noah was not feeling great . He told me he was crying all night but couldn't tell anyone , he only told me about everything, he said he missed his ex a lot that he would cry about her all the time , words weren't enough to describe how bad i felt about Noah's mental issues , he deserved better , he really did . I was thinking about all of this when he suddenly leaned in and our lips met each other , i got shocked , i didn't realize Finn saw us until i saw him looking at us , i started panicking and crying, tears were falling down my face . My mascara was running down my cheeks , i ran to my house in tears i was sweating and couldn't breath , what has happened made me shocked , i didn't want Noah to kiss me and it just shocked me the most . I locked me door and started crying so hard , Ben came upstairs when he heard me crying , i let him in as soon as he saw me crying he hugged me so tight and started crying with me . My dad had came home so he went upstairs and saw us both crying he came up and asked what was wrong i explained everything to me and he said everything would be alright. My dad told us to go downstairs to watch a movie , we had kind of family time ,while my heart was hurting the most , i kept thinking about Finn , he meant the most to me of course he did he was the boy of my dreams and now i had hurt him the most , i've never thought Noah was going to kiss me , i have never expected that , it has never even crossed my mind . I was worried about everything, i couldn't talk to anyone , not even Ben and dad , i just wanted this to be a nightmare and nothing else i couldn't take not having Finn in my life , it was just too much for me ,Finn is like air for me i can't even breath without him so i knew i would have depression if this all ended , what if Finn was so mad that he wouldn't even talk to me ? what if he thought i used him ? what if he really was thinking about me as a bad person? everything crossed my mind at the same time but one thing was obvious , i never meant to do the thing that has happened, Noah is a really great guy but i couldn't believe that my relationship with Finn would be torn apart just like that . I thought of any possibility of saying sorry to something that i didn't even know would happen. Was it all done ?