Take Me Back To The Night We Met

The Night We Met

"I had all and then most of you

"Some and now none of you"

"Take me back to the night we met"

It was their song, but now it just hit different. It hurt more. It meant more now than it did when he sang it with Callum in their living room cuddled up together , just being idiots. He didn't exactly know why he fell in love with Callum in the first place, until he didn't have him anymore. He fell in love with with Callum because he was pure,kind,caring,gentle,loving everything about him was what Ben thought,he himself could never be like. As they say, opposites attract . But they weren't opposites,not exactly. Ben is loving and caring . But he masks it,pretending to be some tough guy that nobody could hurt . Grief does that to a person. Losing Paul,Peggy, Abi,falling out with Phil, not seeing his own daughter for half her life , and now ,the one person he thought he would have with him for the rest of his life. It does damage.

"Callum ,he was kind , he was the best little brother..." Ben was spacing out during Stuart's speech, not because he was uninterested in hearing stories about his husband when he was a kid ,but because he was staring at Callum . He looked peacefu l,at ease . Beautiful. Ben was awoken from his thoughts when he heard Stuart say his name . "Ben ,you wanna say a few words? You were with him in his last moments ,he'd want you to say something". Ben was hesitant but eventually walked up to the alter, avoiding looking into the open casket where Callum lay ,lifeless . Ben was trembling , pain taking over his whole body . "Callum he was ...he was ,well I-". Ben couldn't finish his sentence . He felt faint,he was getting flashbacks . Train headlights ,paramedics ,lights flashing in his eyes . Why? Why did Callum have to save a man on the tracks? Why did he have to die while doing it ? Why not himself? The questions circled Ben's brain while the people in the church watched him standing there ,stumbling and stammering . "I'm-I'm sorry I can't".  Ben ran out of the church into the cematary behind . He was screaming, crying, begging for it all to be a dream, and praying he would wake up beside Callum in their bed . He looked down and saw the headstone. "Paul Coker 1996-2016" . Ben was reminded how he lost everything , first Paul now Callum. He couldn't go on . He made his decision . He decided he'd leave everything to be with Paul and Callum again " Daddy, it's ok . Callum is still with us everywhere we go. Please don't be sad ". Lexi was standing behind him ,holding her little rainbow bag she wore at Ben and Callum's wedding .Ben was remined what he'd be leaving behind if he was to go through with his decision. He pulled her into a hug, holding her tighter than ever before . "I love you so much Lex ". " Dad, how about we live our lives for Callum? . Dedicate everything we do to him. Live for the three of us. ". " He'd love that, baby ."

They walked back into the church , hand in hand . Ben walked back up to the alter, this time looking into the coffin . He took Callum's hand . "This is for you, Cal. For everything you've ever done for me . For being a hero. You saved a life, and even though you didn't make it out , you died a hero. I love you so much Cal. More than you could ever imagine. Before you, life felt pointless , not worth living . Then you stepped in and changed everything. You showed me a world where I can be better . You showed me that love at first sight really does exist .  I would do anything to have even five more minutes with you Cal, I would give my whole life.I'm gonna miss you so much. Some days will be unbearable , I know that. But I'll know that one day, I'll see you again.  I love you Cal. Sleep well"