My Two Moms by Jeff Spampinato-Savre

Jeff's Diary Entry 1: Feb 10, 2021

A few months ago, my mom started bringing me to this blonde woman's house. She's okay I guess—still feeling her out. She does give me treats in the form of human food when my mom isn't looking...so that's cool. She's probably trying to win me over the same way all those other randos mom has brought around try to get on my good side....especially that one guy who always has a stupid camera. Next time I see him (it's been a while), if he tries to take one more photo of me I'm gonna bite his ass!

Anyways, I do like the blonde lady's house. She has a big backyard: perfect for napping in the sun, chasing birds, and running around. My mom's backyard isn't really that big and we don't have big patches of grass. The blonde woman's house has grass AND...she has trees with families of aggressive squirrels that I get to bark at all the time. I love harassing squirrels...those jerks.

But yah, a couple days ago mom took me to the short lady's house. We hung out in the magnificent backyard while they ate croissants and drank that dirty mud water out of big mugs—trust me, never drink that stuff. Real dirt taste way better, like the stuff you bury your bones in...I think they call their dirt water "cough-fee" or something. My favorite part was the croissants. The blonde girl let me have some pieces of the buttery bread...I think her name is Danielle, but I get confused cause my mom also calls her Bambina, Babe, Honey, Bella, and one time she called her "F*ck Me"...that was odd. She just calls me Jeff and sometimes Chicken...but, I don't have wings. Maybe my mom needs glasses?

After they ate croissants and drank the mud water, they spent A LOT of time in the kitchen cooking French Toast. They were acting really weird—come to think of it, they always act pretty silly around each other. They kept staring at each other googley eyes—literally just gawking at each other, you would have thought they were robots that froze the way they just stared into each other's eyes forever. Kinda creepy if you ask me. And they were laughing over the stupidest jokes—something about how Danielle Bambina Babe Honey Bella couldn't eat strawberries right? Then they were dancing all crazy...if they cooked more and danced less, the food would have been done way earlier. Also, someone needs to teach my mom how to use a sink...the blonde girl had to help her with that.

Overall, that last trip to her house was pretty cool. The only thing that annoyed me was mom blamed me for having my hair in the French Toast when it was clearly hers. But...I guess sometimes you just gotta take one for the team.

We'll see how this goes, but figured I should start documenting this stuff since so many people have been asking me what I see when I'm with my mom and her new friend. Trust me...I see A LOT.

Till next time—Paws Paws,
Jeff Spampinato