I Am Not My Skin [ UNDER EDITING ]

Chapter 33:

The next day came as no surprise, the house was empty and we all had to leave yet again. The thought of Sam not being with us anymore just didn't sit right and nor did it feel right. I was torn and still stuck on the idea of all that could have gone differently that night, how would things have been had I refused Sam that ice cream he wanted so badly? He would surely be alive had we gone straight home like my mother always tells us to. Sam would now be in his bedroom and playing his video games as he yelled at the television.

The walls were closing in and the silent whispers were driving me to the point of insanity. I just can't stay like this any longer, fresh air would do me good and getting away from everything and everyone was what I needed most. But then I thought, my mother, she cannot face this battle on her own. We all must stay strong for her and keep level-headed. I have to be the one to remind her why we were all here and why we must continue with this fight. We must never give up no matter how many lies they feed us, we have to keep on going.

The sweet and savory sweets of Brenda's bakery was still fresh on my taste buds. I think it's because I stole one earlier and I doubt my mother would notice it being gone. I felt myself slipping away and falling into the deep and dark pits. This hole was far too deep, it sucked me in, I suppose one could call it a black hole, dear Lord, I can bear no more.

I startled as I felt my mother's touch against my shoulders. Everything and everyone startled me lately, the sounds and the cries was what kept me up all night, bang, bang, bang, bang. I can see myself backing into the corner and closing my ears. "Just please make it stop, make it stop mom. I can't take this any longer." I crumbled, I never intended for her to see me like this. I was the one who should have supported her in this time, she wasn't suppose to comfort me but instead did.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay," She whispered softly, it was calming and soothing both at the same time. "This is none of your fault, don't you ever blame yourself, and never...never put this burden on your soul. Your brother, Sam wouldn't have wanted for you to suffer this much. He would have wanted you to get justice and put the ones who did this to him behind bars, where they belonged. I know this is a very hard and difficult time for all of us Drew, that is why we must always remember to keep on fighting, we have to keep on going. Sam's death must not be in vain, never." My mother couldn't have put it any other way. She was right, we must always remember to keep on fighting.

The cover Sam's death has been receiving were positive. Some broke my heart because the story of my little brother carrying a gun that night they believed. The story that was spun and told by our "supposed protectors" I find it both ridiculous and disgusting, what would they be gaining by tarnishing an innocent 12-year-old boy's reputation? Was this in the normal for them to kill little boys and sweep it under the covers? I say not today, and not anymore!

I had to sit through the longest 5 hours of my life. Their arguments only angered me more and their "evidence" that Sam was indeed carrying a gun with him that night. Again, what mother gives her 12-year-old boy a gun to just walk around with? The way they painted out my mother I could throw up. I wanted to defend her with all my might but then again, she ordered me to sit and stay calm.

She kept on reminding me why we were there and why we had to let the system take it's course. I beg to differ, what system are we talking about exactly? The same one who allowed for these criminals in their uniforms to go about and harm whomever was in their way, and since they decided to play God, they got to decide who lives and who dies, and all in the name of a skin colour. Something as simple as that, something you don't even have control over.

It broke my heart that we didn't have a verdict yet and that the case had been moved up to a few days. I got so fraustrated and couldn't stand the lies they all spoke so calmly in court. Such people scared me most, the truth was being twisted and being turned into what it was not. They made us all look like amateurs, but I guess it's true what they say, money does make the world go round.

Outside the court were swarming with journalists and tv stations, and our lawyer advised us to just say, "No comment" and not another word thereafter. My parents were right to warn me against Carter all those years ago, his ambition was far too greater than his morals. He had nothing but bad bones on the inside, even Johnny, his suspicion was right. I never should have placed my trust in Carter again.

He will always play for the other team and forget about those who have done nothing but encourage and support him throughout his life, and that is all the thanks I get. A stab in the back, but I guess it was to be suspected of him. My father was right when he said Carter was nothing but a bad apple from the moment he laid eyes on him.

"Mark my words very well, Sergeant Robert Connor, your day will come and it is just a few days away. You will rot in the pits of hell because that is where you belong until the day you die. You miserable piece of scum!" I protested, my anger would not allow me to just sit and watch, no more, enough is enough. I felt empowered with everyone who came in support of Sam today, everyone were roaring with anger, they will now witness our rage. "That's right people, stand up, now is the time to fight and fight for equality, fight for justice, fight for peace and fight for freedom! Amandla, Awethu! Power to the people! Never forget this day, because today marks the day you all shall feel my rage, you shall hear my roar!" And that was a promise, a promise they will have to forever remember.