his star

𝐗𝐕

𝐀𝐝𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚

His breathing is loud, but I'm sure it's just me who hears it. 

My body is captured, his arms holding me tight. I try to not wake him up, try to move my head as slow as I can, wanting to see the face of his.

Peaceful and well rested, that's how I would describe him right now. 

I've never really seen him like that because usually I don't stay over the night. I'm not sure why I didn't leave last night, the only thing I know is that he let me feel safe and protected. 

Maybe I know the reason after all. Maybe I needed him not only last night. No one has ever held me like that, has ever spent more than an hour or two with me while being this close.

I feel warm, not only because of the heat of his body, but I feel warm on the inside. It is not strong, nor will it last, but I feel it in this specific moment and that is enough.

His eyes are still closed tightly and I use the moment wisely, eying every detail of his face. 

His lips are swollen, coloured in a pretty shade of pink. I wonder if it is because of our kissing yesterday or if his lips are swollen because of the rest they get while he is sleeping. Maybe both.

Next, my eyes are fixated on the messy brown hair of his. Thinking about it, I can still feel it between my fingers. I feel the urge to touch it, feel if it is as soft as it looks like, but I don't do it.

The twitch of his eyes catches my attention, waiting for him to lock eye contact with me.

"Good morning." my voice is a whisper, but I'm sure that he has heard it, because he is greeting me with a smile. 

I'm not sure what I am supposed to do now. For a short moment, I think about kissing him, but I don't want to. Not because he isn't a good kisser, he definitely is, but kissing someone 'good morning' is completely different than kissing someone while being fully intimate.

Every time we have our make-out-session, I don't even think about what I should do, I just act like he does. The kisses feel good, really good, but I'm not sure if they just feel like that because of the moment we are sharing, the stress relief, or if they feel like that because I like him. Whatever it is, the kiss stays a kiss because it would be weird to make out without touching the others lips.

A good morning kiss on the other side is an act of love. Maybe it's just one of my interpretations, but greeting someone with my lips while just lying next to each other is completely different. For me, I have to feel close to that person, not physically, but emotionally. I must feel a connection, something that ties my heart to that guy and I don't have that with Theo, so I can't give him my lips when we are not officially making out.

Even for me, my thoughts are a bit confusing, but Theo is not the one star in the universe for me and I feel that I'm not his either. He is one of the uncountable ones, but not the one. Only fate knows what is going to happen in the future, maybe we both grow to light up each others darkness, maybe someday I have the feeling that it is okay to kiss him good morning, but that day is not today.

His hand is touching my face, removing a strand of hair from it. A shiver runs down my spine, mainly because his touch feels good, but a part of me feels a bit uncomfortable, not knowing what to do now that I'm in his bed.

"I think I have to go." I lean closer to him, breathing the words into his ear.

"I don't think so." his voice is dark and sleepy, but he sounds really nice. "You are so warm, let me hold you for another minute."