Chain Smoker

2

"We're killing ourselves you know ," she said with sagacity," slowly, but still."
"Well I'm not smoking to better my health am I," I barked back. Not meaning to sound so rude, but this was the only time of day where I could relax and not worry, she was killing my buzz.
And as if I didn't know what I was getting myself into with this habit. See this was the only thing bad about giving Maude smokes or drinks when she was already moody. She became even more maudlin usually got whiny within the first few sips/puffs, feeling afflicted or guilty...like I'd dragged her out here.
"I'm just saying, gosh," she huffed reaching her hand out to grab the McGuinness off the hood next to me.
Here we were as always. Except it was mid-winter and there was snow falling lightly over the frozen canal we looked upon. Sitting on the roof of my 1995 Mustang Cobra, the nice warmth of smoke filling my lungs , blending in with the freezing breaths I blew. We usually cut school, but it was Friday. Precisely the last Friday before Christmas break. So we waited until school let out and then came around to Vermont's Canal , so we could get a good drink in before Maude had to go to work.
Of course we never got sloppy drunk, barely even tipsy. We drank just enough to get us through the day...just enough to clear my head .
"So what's your plans for Christmas?," I ask her , tipping my third cigarette towards her so she could light it.
She gave an almost imperceptible look of disapproval before she reluctantly held her Zippo to the tip.
"Work up until Christmas , then spend it with my family I guess. Same old, same old. You?"
"I was thinking about taking Ashley and going up to the city, don't think my old Deadbeat is gonna celebrate Christmas with his kids anyway. Probably'll be at some bar...who knows?"
"Zack..."
"Don't Mo. Don't say anything."
"Zack why don't you just talk to him? Maybe find out why he's backsliding? You know he was very depressed at one point....." Then there was a pause." Maybe he's just doing exactly what you're doing"
I glared at her harshly. "Well Maude what the hell do you think I'm doing? Huh?"
"You-You think drinking and smoking is going to solve your problems but honestly Zack -"
"How dare you compare me to that low down , dirt eating, sack of shit? You're supposed to be on my side here ...you don't know half of what he's done! To me and my sister!"
"How would I know if you don't tell me?! All you do is keep secrets!"
"AND YOU DONT?"
"No!Not from you..I trust you,Zack."
"Then , tell me, why in all of four years have I not met your parents once? Huh? Why is that?"

She looked on the brink of tears , after effects of the smoke.I'd always assumed it escaped from your lungs and found its way into your heart. Weakening your defenses, quickening your anger.
"I don't know," she said quietly.
"To hell with that!"
"Let's just stop please. Let's have a good time like we always do."
"No," I said sternly , suddenly tired ," we're leaving."
"Oh, Zack just-"
"Get in the fucking car before I leave you here," I growled through gritted teeth , immediately regretting it as soon as it came out.
And she did exactly as I said, and we'd already arrived at her job before I could muster up the courage to apologize.