Scrap the ideal

CHAPTER 1

My problem with boys is that I easily fall for them. Especially when he's hardworking. Scrap the idea of having a man with gorgeous face and bulky body, I won't care about the physical attributes, their useless anyway. I notice this guy, very hardworking in fact, he is a working student yet he was able to join an organization where he is an active member. The fact that he is able to maintain his grade to keep his scholarship, and a very good athlete, made me appreciate his efforts. We became friends and I always smile for him. The fact that we are friends, I found some things about him like he loves his mom so dearly. I fell for him that day I found out bit by bit of him. I love guys who loves their mother so dearly and would hate to see their mom to suffer or in pain. I fell for him realizing how great he would make a husband. Knowing he can't hurt anyone he would love.

I become inspired to do things with all my best because comparing our life status, I have more opportunities than him. I am at college having no problem with tuition and allowance because I have my parents paying it while he works at school as a janitor to save twenty five percent of the school tuition he works his ass in the market to gain money for allowance. And that made me hate myself whenever I get a low score or get a bad grade. He's an icon to me. I admired him so much and thought I'm the only one appreciating his kindness and husband-material type,but I was wrong. Many girls have admired him before me and they were my classmates long time ago. Back those days, I never understand why and what they have seen in this guy for them to like him so much. I laughed at them the, but now I found myself falling for this guy too. Now I know. Its funny and really crazy. I end up eating my words.

I liked him. And I have friends to talk about it, forgetting that my friends are also his friends and now, he knows ... what I see him as... and it's not as a friend anymore. I don't know how to handle things like confessions. I suck at it I mean I can't, that would be really embarrassing. I've been there many times and I know how it feels to be rejected. And also, I am a woman I shouldn't. Well, there were confrontations, he is a man who is not afraid of asking. Of course, I denied and said, it was all a joke. I don't know if he bought it. Well, even if he bought it, our friends would still teas me .

Well, one day I saw at Facebook he's in a relationship with a girl who's a bestfriend of my friend who also likes this guy. It was weird for me. But I never ask, never talk about it. I ignored it. Eventually, we are still friends still, and they are still on. I don't want to hear news about them but the girl sent me a friend request on Facebook. Of course why would I wouldn't ignore her? Its alright I guess so I confirmed her. So, I see their posts, very sweet I just don't click likes on them. What am I crazy? I'm not a masochist alright.

Everything was going smooth with the ignoring thing. But I can't look at him directly to his eyes, I don't know why I just can't. Until, December 21, Christmas party. I was the event organizer. We held at a private resort together with the club, we partied til midnight. It was a party, of course there was drinking and games. Everyone got their lovers with, I allowed it and well, everyone except for singles that was just me. I was thankful though, his girl can't come knowing that she belongs to a family with strict parents. As strict as she can't go night out. I didn't drink much, I need to be in control I mean I need to, I'm the event manager. Around ten, guys were having their time. I never saw him drink ever until that day. I knew there was a problem, I just don't want to know more, I don't want t hurt myself alright.

Unexpectedly, almost 11 he grab me away from a guy I was talking to. It was rude and so I got mad and shouted at him, "What the hell are you doing?!" I didn't expect it was him and shocked myself. There was long silence, we were just standing there by the pool until he finally said something.

"I ... I am sorry, I just need to talk." he said stuttering. He was just weird I mean yeah we're friends but he's not like this ... with me.

"It's alright. Sorry I shouted at you, I was just- you know. Um- so uh- what is this uh- about?" I was stuttering too and just can't control it. He's too close I mean I was never been like this close to him before.

"Do you like me?"

And my world slowed down. I saw him being pushed by Jordan to the pool. He slowly vanished from my sight. Left me hanging there. I hate confessions. Am I going to lie again?

"Hey, little help?" he said offering his hand from the pool, wet.

"So, answer me. Please?" he asked again. We were sitting, our feet were on the water.

And here we go again, I cannot hold myself, my heart was racing, my mind trying to look for excuses. I felt like the need to escape the confession situation.

"Please. Answer me honestly." he added.

"Well, um- why are you asking this again? I mean I told you already." 1 said.

"Seriously?! I know you're lying. You can't even look at me in the eyes!" he exclaimed.

"Why do you even have to ask?! You have Aisha now! What is the use of confessions anyway?!" I can't hold myself anymore. The feeling was just urging and I'm full of it. I cannot hold it anymore.

"I don't like you! Have gone out of you're mind?! I love you! So now, you know, now what? Laugh at me !! You won, you got m confessing. Are you happy now?!" I shouted.

He ...out of nowhere, cupped my face and kissed me, torridly.

Author's note:

Shailene Woodley as Anj, photo UP