I thought.. well. I don't know what I thought. I was six I couldn't have known right? I couldn't of known what he was doing was wrong right? But I should have done something. Right? When he touched he and said it wouldn't hurt but it did. It hurt so much. And all I want to do is forget the pain.
Out of all the things I could remember why did it have to be the pain and seeing his face every time I did anything. Why couldn't it have been the first day of school or my favorite show when I was little but no. It had to be the pain every single time he decided to. Why didn't I say anything. Things would be different if I did right?
It would be better right? But why does the pain have to come when I sleep and drip into my dreams. So I can't even sleep to escape the thoughts. The thoughts of maybe if I just finally do it all the pain will be gone. Everything gone. Just gone. The thoughts that I could have done or said something. But I didn't. And how much I wish I did.
That was a long time ago it doesn't matter anymore. Right? But every time I see him I want to dig myself a grave and let my self rot. But yet I pretend like nothing happened.
But let the scars that I started giving myself at 8 speak for themselves. Because what he did can never ever be changed.
But I'm glad it happened to me instead of another innocent little girl. At least I hope it didn't. But sometimes I wished it happened to someone else. I don't mean to sound selfish.
So there's the story the beginning of everything each little thought I have a million times a day every single god danm day. That I want to get rid of them but I guess you already know that. Huh.
But guess you already know that I already tried to make every thing go away. That I tried to find the slightest bit of affection in anyone that I thought was willing to give it which almost killed me more then once. That right I am trying so hard to find myself in the mirror but I can't. And I guess you already know that what he did to me many others did it to me also.
So I guess that is the beginning of everything.
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Just Underneath
Non-FictionTW Rape ✅ Suicide ✅ Death ✅ Smut ✅ And just about everything in between ✅ If only she would have said something the first time it wouldn't of happened again. But it did again and again. He would go into her room while everyone else is sleeping and d...
