9th of September 2020
Dearest Kyle,
It was amazing how the stars still shine the way they do centuries ago. Amazing how bright the moon was even the day the creation started. Amazing how vast the universe is. Amazing how I still loved you since the very first moment our paths crossed. In all God's creation-you're the one I've been fascinated with. I was fascinated how your eyes locked at mine-how they seem to shine when they met mine. I was fascinated by how your lips would curve a smile. I was fascinated by how you stand out among the waves of the crowd. I was fascinated by how your whole existence made me insane. You made me insanely in love with you-without you even doing anything. I cherished all the moments I had with you. The way you passed by in the corridor. The way you wouldn't put a glance on me even we were just a few centimeters far from each other's body. The way how your presence made a thousand butterflies go wild in my stomach. I couldn't wish for more than your happiness. Even if we only have the slightest chance to end up together-it doesn't matter to me any longer. As long as you're going to live your life happily, as long as you're doing the stuff that can make you happy, as long as you're with the person who you makes you happy and in love-and the person you wanted to spend your whole life with-I will be good with it.
For me, loving you alone, loving you without any chance of loving me back is kind of painful. But as years passed by— got used to it. I was immune to the pain that lingers in my heart with the thought of not being able to be loved back by someone I love. I was immune to the idea of this unrequited love I have for you.
If another lifetime is true. I want that life to spend with you. I want to be with you in that lifetime. I want to be the woman you'd want to grow old with.
But if not—I will accept it, I will just accept that no matter how I loved you, no matter how many unsent letters I would write for you, no matter how many sonnets I would offer you-nothing would still change.
It wouldn't change a single fact-that you can't just love me the way I love you.
Even if I wished to that shooting star, even if I prayed to God, even if cry a bucketful of tears, even if I offer you my whole world, it will still be useless-since you wouldn't accept the love I had offered you.
It was painful how you acted like you didn't know me at all when our gazes met.
It was painful how you acted like you didn't remember my face and my name when we're only centimeters far from each other's body.
It was painful how you acted like we never even became friends when I wanted to waved you hello.
It was painful how you acted like you never knew me at all when our paths crossed again in the corridor, in the library, canteen-in every corner of our school building.
But again, I was used to that pain. And I knew even after five or ten years or even when my hair turns to grey.
I would forever remember that pain. Because that pain reminds me of the person I loved.
That pain reminds me of how I chased the person who doesn't want to be chased.
That pain reminds me how my teenage life
became colorful and lively because of this love so lost.
That pain reminds me of proses and poetries and unsent letters.
That pain reminds me of this unrequited love I have for you.
I want you to know that even if you got married, have your amazing kids like you, have a wife that you could spend your whole life with, have a wonderful life ahead of you—I would remain as your number one poetic admirer.
I would remain as the girl who chased. I would remain as this girl whom you only see as your younger sister. I would remain waiting for you—even if it means I'll go wasting my whole life waiting for the snow to fall in a tropical country. I would remain waiting for you until forever.
I will wait for you even if it means I'll live my life with pain and misery. I will wait for you. How I waited for a miracle to happen. I know even if I want to stop this feeling—it will never stop since I started it the very moment I saw you when I was in 8th grade. -L
YOU ARE READING
Letters to Kyle
Não FicçãoLetters I wouldn't send to him. -We all have that one person in our lives whom we always look up to. The kind of person that gives us butterflies without even trying. The person that we always chase... Read the letters that would remain unsent.
