All That Remains (Sirius × James)

1.

-What the hell is wrong with you?- James looks at me from the bathroom door, but I dont look back at him, I cant stand the tone of his eyes.
He's mad at me, and I cant do anything to fix that.
-I'm sorry, I'm very sorry...- is all I have to say, my only explanation to everything: my silence and how I avoided him the past week.

But he don't accept this answer anymore and I know it.

-No, talk to me, tell me what's going on- he replies, but I can't. I just simply can't tell him what has been going on since the last Quidditch Victory party, I can't because he'd be shocked, because he'd hate me.

And I can't loose him.

-I can't, I...- stuttering I grab Remus's Potion book (he asked me for it, that was the reason I got in our bedroom, where James was, probably waiting for me) and I go for the door.
But James is faster: his hand wraps around my wrist, blocking me.
-Did I do something wrong?- his voice cracks, he's not angry anymore, he's sad, he's desperate.

Hearing his words kills me. I can guess what he's thinking: that I hate him, that he's loosing his best friend over something he doesnt understand.

I stay silent, eyes on the floor. I can't. I will protect him from the truth.
-Padfoot...- he calls me, our eyes meet, and I gasp: he's crying. His beautiful eyes are wet of tears, and is my fault.

I cant take it anymore. I free my arm and I run away, my troath hurts, water fills my eyes too.
James wanted explanations, but how could I ever explain what's going on to him? How can I tell him about the party?
How can I tell him that his best friend is not sure of anything anymore?

One thing was clear for me: the memories of that party, that damn party.

I remember everything.