Libby's Forums & Updates

08-Jun-2021 | Shift

'Ello ello, 

It's been a while, hey? I feel like I haven't been on Wattpad for a year, but it's only been a few months. The break was unintentional, I didn't mean for it to drag on this long. In my last post, I was under the impression that I'd be publishing a new chapter of Siren Bay that same week.

And I published it two months later. 

I don't know if I'll be any good at being a full-time writer, because I can't seem to get into a stable routine since finishing Tempest. I mean, that was a one chapter a week schedule, every 6 to 7 days, but since its completion, since the pandemic began, and since more of my life has taken a further downward spiral thanks to my health being...well...my health, it's been hard to maintain that sense of routine and discipline. 

I have a little side hobby as well. I picked up woodworking at the beginning of the pandemic. I already knew how to make banana bread, and I have a bread maker so sourdough is at hand for me, so I dabbled in power tools instead. 

I've made a bookshelf from scratch, and I made a set of dice, but my next project was a set of alphabet counters with its own personalised box. I started that...at the beginning of this year? I think? And it's taken me six months JUST to get to etching the tiles. It took six months to sand 144 counters three times. 

It shouldn't have taken that long. I should have been faster. I should have been more efficient. 

And yet, it happened. I was slow, but I succeeded. 

My health is still a mess. Most of you know that I have been battling severe chronic pain for the past few years, it's why my work was halted for several months back in 2018 when this was all still new and raw and undiagnosed. Maybe one day I'll be comfortable enough to delve into details online, but for now it's my battle to bare the brunt of and I can break the taboo down of invisible medical illnesses piece by piece. 

But essentially, the result of my diagnosis, my pain and my condition, is that I'm medically unfit to work. I went from working full-time, 40+ hours a week, to nothing in the span of a few days, and it's been that way since. These past few years have been just me going in and out of doctors appointments and seeing medical professionals, and a lot of staring at my ceiling contemplating my newfound reality whilst in agony. 

And yet, slowly, I still succeed. 

I have a job now! It's a small job, casual, one shift a week, but I have a job. It was weird. I didn't tell anyone about my trial shift. I was anxious the whole time, just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for my body to break on me, but I managed to get through it. It was fun! It's in retail, and I missed being around people and making their days better when they left compared to when they arrived. 

I missed talking to people and hearing their stories, bringing a smile to their face. 

It's nothing huge, it's nothing massive, at least to anyone else's eyes. But to me? I'm still chronically ill, my pain is severe and spontaneous with no sign of slowing down, but I proved my body wrong and was able to do something more, something that was like what I was doing before. 

It...it's still weird, saying that I'm employed to my friends and family. I'm back in the trades. I have a job. I have an income again. I...I don't know how to feel about it yet, it's still new and raw and I'm not used to it after years spent out of work. 

And yet, here I am. Slowly succeeding. 

I guess I have more in common with my books than I thought - my scheduling is the same as my employment rate. 

I had that thought actually, the other day, about Typhoon & Tempest. I'm notified whenever someone comments on my books, same with every other author on here, but it's still jarring to me when people comment about certain characters in those books, specific themes and even individual scenes, saying that it's very realistic, very personal, and very truthful. 

I wince at those - because I realise that I made T&T so much more intimate than I intended. I gave so much of myself into those books, because that's all I had at a time when I had almost nothing, after having so much. 

I also wince at the comments about Jack, my sassy, confident witch in the series. Because the comments talk about specific parts of Jack, and I'm like oh that's just me, and I don't know how to accept compliments about a character, when I just, in reality, put too many characteristics of myself into the book. 

Like, the main character Lily, her entire emotional arc in the series was mine in reality. Jack's grounding arc and a lot of her physical and environmental traits are mine. Niall's optimistic and positive attitude, despite a lot of setbacks he naturally has, is mine. Haidan's stumble with his beliefs and his faith, how he questions his own abilities, his own power he never had before, that was me. 

So when people comment on those specific parts of those characters, those traits, my traits, and praise them, or discuss them, I'm internally screaming and hiding in a corner and gradually reading them one word at a time. 

There's my natural schedule again - slowly, but surely. 

Despite my first shift in over three years, I'm...slowly but surely...feeling internally a little better. I missed working, I love my new job, and I'm glad that they're incredibly considerate with my health and are open to ways they can improve. I...I love that. I miss being listened to - trust me, a lot of my medical professionals weren't good listeners, especially with my health, so having someone doing something as simple as listening? Godsend. 

But, I want to keep improving. I want to keep having shifts. I want to keep updating. There's so many things I want to do. I have a list. I have a bucket list, a "fuck-it list", and things I want to accomplish this year. I want to get back into studying. I want to finish that wood working project, and jump on the others I have in mind. 

Slowly, but surely, I will succeed. I know that now - I'm living proof I can. 

So, slowly but surely, you'll hear from me again with a new forum post like this one, or a new update for SIREN BAY, or maybe LUNA ECLIPSE soon. 

Succeeding is my forte - my craft just takes time. But I'll get there. 

I'll see you soon. 

~

Much love, 

Libby x