Kiran: The Ray of Light

'I love you', I sense the tension in her voice as the phrase escapes her throat for the second time now.

Unable to say something, I awkwardly look at Tanuja's face. I never expected a proposal from her. A feeling of nausea takes over me. I feel as if my heart would come out through my mouth any moment.

'Say something Kiran!'

'Sorry Tanu', I hand the scarlet rose back to her and flee from the crowd around the classroom entrance faster than my own heartbeats.

As I grab a seat swiftly on the bus, I fish out my hanky to wipe away the sweat trail that was making its way down from my forehead towards my neck. My house is near the endpoint of this route. This allows me to rehearse the chapters once or twice before I reach my classes in the morning. But today this journey back home seemed as if it wasn't going to finish any faster.

I take out the book from my backpack. But before I could open it, my eyes find a wonderful sight right out of my window. It is very hard to ignore the clatters and laughter of those three naked little kids as they enjoy the shower out of a broken timeline water hose beside the road. They immediately remind me of my childhood. I would love to play in the same way but I'm sure my parents wouldn't let me behave this way. They say that they named me Kiran because they found a ray of light as their first child made its way into this world. To be honest, it's a real struggle to keep up with their hopes and expectations at times. I rarely disappoint them with my grades but I still fail to see the pride for me in their eyes. It was still bearable till my brother arrived in this world. My parents chose to find bliss in him instead. I remind myself of the love that I hold for my brother in my heart and decide to dig deeper into the lines of Advanced Communication Systems.

But I struggle to concentrate as the despair from today's events keeps crawling back to my headspace, not letting me see. I keep recalling how we clicked immediately the day we met. All the memories that we made since then, keep flashing in front of my eyes. We have always been friends, study buddies, gossip partners to date. I don't want to break our trust and lose her forever. But how am I supposed to explain that I am not the Kiran she sees every day? I'm more than the beard and men's attires that I wear daily. My bus nears the last stoppage by the time I finish flipping the pages of the fractionally spaced equalizers. I'd breathe a sigh of relief but I remember that I can't settle till I hit home.

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