In another life - BokuAka - Littleluxray

Chapter12

In his silence, Bokuto wept to himself, fat tears rolling down his cheeks in numbers. The hand that supported his weight against the windowsill trembled without pause, and his other remained outside, shaking in the cold dead of night. Several flakes had gathered on the outstretched limb, but they were not quick to melt. They settled there, deeming Bokuto one of them for the remainder of their frozen lives before they eventually melted or fell away.

Akaashi stared at Bokuto, opened his mouth to say something, but found that he couldn't form even one simple word. Realizing this, Akaashi decided to take action instead and reach out to comfort him, but not even this he could do. His arms and legs were stiff, as were his eyes. All he could do was stare at the melancholic performance that played out before him.

Do something... Akaashi closed his mouth and swallowed.

Do something... Anything .

Akaashi's body didn't respond.

He could only watch as those tears fell at a faster pace, down onto his hospital gown and onto the floor. The light that came from outside reflected off of Bokuto's teardrops, lighting his face up in the most gentle of ways. Eventually, Bokuto drew back his hand and let it fall to his side. He hung his head and tried to keep his crying controlled in the best way possible, but this proved to be very difficult as sobs broke out of him, causing his entire being to shake.

After a moment of trying to gather himself, Bokuto choked out two simple words with quivering lips.

"Why... me..?"

Akaashi stared on as his mind searched for words. He found some and said them without a second thought.

"Because life is unfair."

Bokuto reached up a cold, frail hand to wipe at the mess that was his face. "I w...anted to do s-so many things..."

"I know." Akaashi balled his hand into a fist, mentally scolding himself for the present lack of emotion in his voice.

As Bokuto backed away from the window, Akaashi was quick to close it, locking the bitter night air out of the room for the remainder of the night. He then reached out and took hold of Bokuto's arm to help him back to the bed.

Once they'd reached it, Bokuto resumed his usual position and wrapped the thick blanket around himself, then turned away from Akaashi. He watched the window quietly, paying no mind to his visitor, or so Akaashi thought. In a matter of minutes, just as Akaashi had started to fidget, Bokuto spoke up.

"Akaashi..."

"Yes?" His undivided attention was on Bokuto.

He hesitated for a moment, but finally spoke up. "I don't want you to visit me anymore."

Akaashi's eyes squinted to the words, and he leaned forward in shock. "What?"

"Please... Don't visit me... Anymore."

"No." Akaashi stood from his seat.

"Please-"

"No. It's a little too late for that, Bokuto." A shiver racked Akaashi, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand.

"Akaashi, please..."

"No is my final answer." He stalked over to the other side of the bed, where he would be able to look at Bokuto's face. Once Bokuto noticed this, he turned his head and slowly rolled away. Akaashi's eyes widened, his emotions now falling victim to a strange mix of fear and fury.

"Bokuto, what is the meaning of this?"

Bokuto didn't respond. He remained in the same position and only moved his hand to wipe at his face again.

"Answer me."

Sucking his teeth, Bokuto pulled the blanket up to just beneath his chin. It took some time, but he finally answered.

"I don't want you... to grow... any m-more attached to me th-than y-you already are."

Akaashi nearly scoffed. "What makes you think I'm attached to you? I never said that I was."

This time, Bokuto directed his attention to Akaashi. He wore a grimace upon his reddened face.

"Sh-shut up, Akaashi..." He breathed in deeply, frustrated with himself and the gradual growth of his speech impediment, but continued on. "I know... You hate hosp-itals. Don't... Come telling m-me now that you... Have only been... coming here every day because y-you wanted to."

Akaashi had nothing else to say. He stared at Bokuto with his lips parted, as if he were going to speak, but ended up speechless.

"I know that... You care... Ev-... Even if it's just a little bit." Bokuto covered his mouth and coughed suddenly. He found that speaking was taking much more energy than he thought. Still, he continued to talk. "I don't... Know much about this... Disease. Partly be-...cause I was too afraid to read up on it. But... I know I don't have... much time left." His frustration slowly faded, and all that was left behind upon his pale face was a look of defeat.

"One, maybe two months at most, if I'm lucky. That's... How long I know I have... Left."

The air around Akaashi thickened, and suddenly he found it difficult to breathe.

Bokuto looked down and twisted his lips to the side. "I heard the doctors talking. They d...on't know how to... H-heal me, so..." From beneath the blanket, Akaashi could see Bokuto's shoulders rise and fall. "It's just... A slow, downhill ride f-f...rom here. And I d-don't want you to... See it all h-hap...pen."

Bokuto lay there glass-eyed, his welled up tears glinting in the dim lighting of the room.

"I don't... Want you to... Watch me decay."

Small tears spilled out of Bokuto's eyes and rolled down his hauntingly placid features. "So I figured if you left now... You... Wouldn't have to... And it wouldn't h-hurt so much..."

Once again, that crippling spell took hold of him, and Akaashi couldn't move, nor could he speak. All he could do was watch in muted anguish as Bokuto finally accepted what had become of his short lived life. Akaashi realized that those smiles he'd seen before were smiles of denial - forced grins that tried desperately to trick Bokuto into thinking that everything would be fine. But he couldn't keep it up forever. Not in the state that he was in. Bokuto had always been struggling to keep a positive front, but inside, he was falling apart all along.

Akaashi knew this now.

In an attempt to move, he tapped his fingers against his legs at an impatient pace. He was trying everything he could to psych himself into doing at least something to let Bokuto know that he was there for him.

Do something... As if he were one of the living dead, Akaashi forced one leg forward, then the next, until he was touching the bed side. He pushed his negative thoughts aside and sat himself down in bed, right next to Bokuto. Akaashi did not give him time to react to this as he moved closer still, and when he was close enough, he lowered his head to lean it on Bokuto's shoulder.

Akaashi squeezed his hands together to keep them from shaking uncontrollably.

"I'm not leaving, Koutarou." His voice was hushed, gentle. "And nothing you say will make me leave."

Bokuto kept silent. Not a word left him, even as he reached a hand up to wipe at his face again. He only sniffed on occasion, and shifted in place, but never did he say anything to oppose Akaashi's decision.

He was glad.

Akaashi turned his head slightly, his cheek gently resting on Bokuto's shoulder. He took in a slow, deep breath and closed his eyes, and his eyebrows knit together for only a second. His hands quivered as he dug his nails into his knuckles.

Bokuto no longer smelled like a hospital.

Bokuto smelled like... Home.