When I was a young lad, I had a dream. My dream like many others had some elements of fear involved. My dream like many others was to get into heaven. (After death of course, I wasn't about to commit suicide and scream "I'M SO GOOD" as I hit the floor. No if I did that I wouldn't get into heaven at all.) So the day I did die was quite interesting. So please read about my ventures. I awoke early (I always must wake early, my job depends on it) I rode the subway (as you do as a newyorker) I got off at my stop. However, it was just in my luck that the road and sidewalk of this particular part of town were all blocked off. There were big bright flashing orange signs with lights on it. ROAD CLOSED was what was written on the sign Now I don't know if you know this but the alleyways of New York are well, how should I say this, ah yes, shady at best. Deadly at worst. So you should also know that walking through those alleyways are dangerous even at normal times of the day, this was not a normal part of the day. Now if you hear that you might think one of two things, either A, ""oh it's early so those '"dangerous people'" must be asleep." That is 1 of the 2 options. The other option is "oh it's early so those "dangerous people" are out and about. That is to say when I walked down that alleyway I was immediately struck on the head by a flying wrench. "As I could feel by astral projection floating skywards uncontrollably I reflected on my poor decision to walk down that alleyway." . No I'm kidding, I was much too asleep to comprehend what had happened. Though I'm here now in the future and as I'm writing this I look back and think that, I was crazy. I thought that just dying made me good enough to get into heaven. Hilarious. I awoke confused, I looked to be inside some kind of hospital. No, not a hospital. A hospital would have equipment and doctors. This room had 3 notable things about it.
1. The room was completely white every wall, floor, ceiling. White (one may think it ironic that I would use bold on the color white, but I think that's the point and your reading far too into it)
2. The second notable thing in the room was a couch. Now on its own this would not be interesting enough to merit being called attention to however this couch was completely white as well.
3. The third notable thing was perhaps the most notable thing. The presence of a completely red person.No not person they just seemed inhuman. Anyway they (it?) were sitting on the couch. Their skin, their wings (did I forget that they have wings?) was all completely blood red feathers and all. Now what this thing explained to me using more than a few lifetimes of grunts and hand motions ( as well as 3 powerpoint presentations) about who I was, what I was doing here, and why I was here. In short what I think he was trying to say was, I am dead. He is a demon. The afterlife is testing a new system to select the worthy and I got to be the first test subject. (yay) The way this new system works is you are given a second life. The first one was given for you to do all the good things you want this second life you have to make it through a place where people do the opposite when you die in the second life your bad actions are subtracted from you good actions and if your average of good ratio is higher than you bad ratio than you go to heaven.
So I closed my eyes and when they were open again, I was in the middle of a town that had nothing but subway diners. Suffice to say it looked like pure anarchy. As I looked around this dumpster fire of a city I saw a fast moving object getting larger and larger until. BONK. I got hit on the head with a wrench. That is an embarrassing death looking back. But they say hindsight is 2020 so maybe it was good that I moved on so quickly. You see I led a pretty good life on earth. So when most people get put in the second life they get pulled by the temptation to do whatever they want, which I don't know if you know this but when people can do whatever they want their good to bad ratio tends to jump off the diving board, do a nose dive and miss the water. Their lawyers then spend the next 4 years debating who to sue for their incompetence (in that person's name of course) until said person's money has run out leaving their kids orphaned on the streets until they starve to death. Suffice to say only some minor thing can happen. That is my adventure, a short one I may admit but it makes for a campfire story. Whether you choose to believe this story is beyond what I can control. But when you die will you tell me your story? Also have they changed the system yet? I don't like this new one.
