Different | jori

1

 Ever since Jade was little she'd known she was different.

She'd always heard her parents talk about 'the gays' and the word fag was constantly thrown around. She heard the appalled tone in her mothers voice when she'd found out the neighbor's son was trans, and refused to call him Daniel. She'd overshared with his mother about all the things she'd do if her child turned out to be a dyke.

So, when she'd noticed the pretty girl sitting across the desk from her in second grade, she learned to keep it a secret. When the same girl pulled her behind a tree in fourth grade and pecked her on the lips, she kept it a secret. When she realized her knee was touching Miley Spencer's thigh under the desk in sixth grade, she kept it a secret.

And so when saw the new 'it' girl at school, with annoyingly feathered bangs and hip bones that jutted out when she walked, she kept it a secret.

Her parents loved Beck, he was a smart boy and even had his 'own place' which was literally just an RV in his parents driveway. Which she'd always thought it was stupid.

She brought him to dinner with his parents a lot, the trophy boyfriend, who pretended not to notice the nauseating smell of beer emanating from her fathers side of the table.

They'd never done it . Sure, they'd kissed, mostly in public. But even then it felt like a slug was being pushed down her throat and made her want to gag, and his mustache scratched her face.

Beck begged, and begged, and begged, but was always turned down with a sharp no . Or get away from me or a don't touch me.

She knew wasn't sick, like her parents believed 'the gays' were, but there were times she couldn't help but feel guilty for the way she was.

When Beck looked at her like she was the earth itself, because she knew she didn't deserve him, didn't deserve to not love him. God, how could she not love him?

When she notices the genuine hurt in Tori's eyes after pushing too hard because, god, she hated seeing the tears well up and to watch the girl excuse herself.

When Sikowitz brings up homophobia and how unfair it is, half of the class groans and the other half, mostly her friends, sit quietly and listen attentively.

Her alarm doesn't go off, buzzing loudly, she's not awoken by her dad shouting or her mom calling her to breakfast. She just, wakes up. Very suddenly.

She doesn't remember what woke her up, or if she'd just woken up abruptly because of a nightmare or something. But she hardly notices herself making her way to her closet before she realizes she can't blankly stare at the clothes and that she needs to make a decision.

She picks out a random black skirt, of many. Black tights and a grey long sleeved shirt.

She sloppily applies her makeup, and has a single vain thought that maybe a new style will get Tori to notice her.

She rides the bus to school because it's too light outside and she can't stand driving during the day.

It's too loud, the middle schoolers up front wont stop screaming some stupid meme they'd found on their probably hand-me-down pearphones and Jade actually debates throwing them out of the window. And the upperclassmen in the back aren't doing her any favors either.

The bus pulls in front of the school entrance and everyone practically races off the bus, like hungry vultures. Jade just stays seated until everyones practically off because she already has a headache.

She's gotten used to seeing her around school, her feather earring and way-too-tight jeans which she usually ends up wearing everyday with some other form of a basic top.

Jade doesn't understand whats so special about her, why her knees threaten to give out when she sees her, why she enjoys their 'forced' hugs a bit more than she should.

What color are her eyes? Green or brown? Jade thinks to herself, spaced out on her locker combination when Cat comes bounding over, jumping on something that resembles a pogo stick but is way too small to be one.

Cat enthusiastically tells her about the website she'd purchased it from for 40 percent off, that's only 60 percent on!! And then hops away before Jade can get a word in.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she makes her way to Sicowitz's class and shoves herself down in the seat next to Beck.

She rests her head on his shoulder, which to literally anyone else would be seen as cute and a 'couple - thing' but in reality Jade was debating passing out on his shoulder and not waking up until seventh period.

She tries to ignore the door frame as a certain latina walks in, pushing herself into Beck more and sighing.

This was gonna be a long day.