convalescense.

chapter 1.

song for the chapter // Unsteady - X Ambassadors

AN: the link i put is a video of Melissa Brooks, not the song. its just to give you a better idea of how she looks.

        If I cannot find happiness within myself, where am I supposed to find it? I quite often found myself asking that question. I haven't found the answer yet, and I don't assume I'll find it anytime soon. Sometimes I think about death. I enjoy the thought, actually. I'm depressed, I know I am. I've been diagnosed with it, but I don't need a diagnosis to tell me that I'm sick.

         My name is Jo, I am seventeen years old, and I am struggling with finding myself. This morning I woke up, like I do every morning. I showered, I managed to find something to eat, and I got dressed. It's a normal day. Something does feel a bit off, but when do I not feel like everything isn't okay? I looked at my cellphone to check the time and-- Shit! I'm late, again! I quickly grab my car keys and head out the door.

        Goddammit, Aaron won't answer my fucking calls! Aaron is my bestfriend. We're childhood friends, and I usually pick him up for class every morning. Honestly, he's the only thing that holds me together these days. Everyone in the family thinks we're going to end up getting married someday, or some shit like that. I know for a fact that will never happen. So does he. I'm gay. I always have been. I came to terms with myself a long time ago. I have nothing to be ashamed of. My family is ashamed, of course. The "perfect Christian family" has been "corrupted by me." Yes, I realize that is very idiotic and untrue. But, even with that being said, I think that's a little far fetched.

        I pull up in Aaron's driveway. I hope he has a good fucking reason why he isn't ready. I still have that uneasy feeling in my stomach. I'm trying to ignore it, but honestly, I know something's wrong.

        I knock on his front door multiple times. I've been standing here for about fifteen minutes, with no answer. I'm just going to walk in, this is practically my house too. As I step through the front door, I feel a coldness throughout the house. This isn't right... Its too, how do I put it, still? Yes, its too still. I have the most uncomfortable feeling in my stomach right now. I make my way through the small house and find the bedroom door I've been looking for. I open it, without hesitation.

        I'm flooded with so many emotions. I'm shocked, I'm scared, I'm angry, most of all. I don't think I've ever been this angry my entire life. I walk up to him with tears in my eyes, and hit him as hard as I can. I slowly fall to the floor, now sobbing. I grab his hand, his oh-so-cold hand, and intwine it with my shaky one. I can't get over how cold he is. He's so pale, and cold. He's so cold. He's started to turn a little purple. He's still just there. Emotionless. Still. Cold. I pull out my phone and dial the number, trying to hold it together.

        "Yes, hello? Can I have an ambulance sent to 478 Fairground Circle, I've just found a body. I'm sorry, I can't tell. Maybe a few hours? Yes, ma'am. He's hanging from the ceiling fan in his bedroom. Thank you."