Maybe some of you know the film "to the bone" and this story will be about the boy Luke.
Only watch the film and read this story if your not getting triggert by eating disorder, calories or something like that. TW
Y/n = Your name
'My name is y/n and I'm 17 years old. I have an eating disorder since I'm 13 and now I want a new Life. Without worring about what I eat.'
That was the first thing, what I told the others about me.
It was another day at the apartment group. I live here since 4 weeks and with 6 girls and 1 boy and all of us have an eating disorder. We are all the same here and it feels different. I don't really know how I should dicribe it. Its just like, here we are all humans. Nobody tells you "You are and look disgusting". We all have the same problem and try to do it. We want to live.
Everyday it's another hard one. Eating.
For a few years eating was that easy. But now all what's in my head are calories. I know which food has how many of them. It's annoying but the voice in my head tells me them all the time.
This morning I was the last one who was awake. Nobody was in my room anymore. I share it with Megan and Pearl, they were already downstairs and talked to all of the others.
I took a grey sweatpants and a wide shirt of my dad and walked down. On my way I stopped and looked down at my body. "Don't eat much or your gonna be fat!"
"You're okay?" It was the voice of a boy, Luke. He's the most funniest and caring person here and I really like spending time with him.
"Yeah." I said. Like always, but tried to ignor whats going on in my head, even its really hard.
Downstairs it was time to eat.
For me its the hardest time of the day and its all the time a hard thing. No matter how often I try it.
"You're finally awake."
Megan said and she seemed really happy about it. She is maybe a bit older than me, but during all the time we were here, she was the one who was all the time there for me and now she's my best friend.
We sat down at the table and I saw all the food. My look went over all of it and the voice in my head exploded with all the calories. 'Bread: 265, Cereales: 357, Milk: 42, Egg: 155, Orange juice: 45, Butter: 717,..'
I kinda analyzed it and I looked worried. That were so many calories. How can't you be worried?
I felt a hand on my arm and a voice told me: "It's okay. I know whats going on in your head. But try it."
I looked in the brown eyes of Luke. He always trys to chear me up, even I'm at my lowest.
I was really about to eat nothing, but Luke didn't let me. He told me that we will eat the same things and I just should eat my best. And we did it like that.
After eating and cleaning everything I was looking for him and found him very quick in the living room chatting with Pearl. She's also struggeling hard with eating and he helped her a bit with some tipps.
"Just a bit every day will help you.."
I sat down next to them and just listened. His voice is always relaxing. 5 minutes later Pearl left and now I was alone with him.
"I just wanted to thank you for helping me again with eating."
He started to smile big and told me that he would do it everytime again. I kissed him on the cheek and was on my way to the bedroom when I heard a womans voice saying: "Don't forget that's in one hour time to weigh again."
These words are always the worst.
W-E-I-G-H.
At this point you see if you did it, even its only a bit or if you failed. The last weeks I failed again, again and again.
The smile I had before on my face was away. But now I had to do it.
In front of the bathroom the anxiety got more and more. And during we waited I felt eyes on me, but didn't looked who it was. I played with my fingers and was the last one. Then I heard my name.
"Y/n!"
It was my turn.
I stood in front of the scales. I was always afraid of it and it didn't changed. I took some deep breaths and needed my time, but then did one step after the other and now would came the hardest thing. I had to wait. It takes everytime that long and it felt like my heart would gonna explode. And the moment was there.
"300 grams more."
A smile formed on my face. It was such a success for me and I was very proud of myself, even its not only my merit. I would never have made it without Luke.
I got out of the room and tried to find Luke but couldn't.
I sat down on my bed and thought about all what happened during the last weeks.
I found new people for them I'm so so thankful, I tried new things, restarted my life and then theres on human. Luke. He looks at me like no one else does, helps me and shows me how it must feel to be loved.
Loved?
Wow. I never thought about it before. He and me?
This thought stucked in my head and I needed to know it now.
I walked to his room and was about to turn and go away because of my anxiety, but did another step and knocked on the door frame.
He looked up and in my direction. "Come in." He did a hand movement that I should sit down next to him and did it. I was a bit nervous but that was really fast gone when we started to talk.
"By the way I heard you put on some weight. I'm proud of you."
I smiled and looked down, but he put a finger under my chin and made me to look in his eyes.
"But I couldn't have done it without you." I said.
Our faces were so close to eachother what I didn't really realized at the first moment. But when he continued I did: "I would do anything for you."
I smiled so big and we kissed. Butterflies were all in my stomach and it felt like a firework.
This night I felt asleep in his room and it was a really cute night.
The next day we drove with our psychologist, Dr. William Beckham, and everyone of the apartment group to a place were water came from the top. I didn't really know what it should mean, but inside we should understand it.
Dr. Beckman stood under the rain and took like a shower before he started to talk.
"Can anyone tell me why we are here?"
Silence. But then I heard Luke talking.
"Because we're alive."
That was right. It never felt that good. The last time I wanted to live was 4 years ago, but now I have a reason.
"Everyone of you did good and brave things the last weeks and months. And you will tell me one and then you can came down here."
Nobody did the first step. I did some good things but they weren't the bravest. And the others felt the same. But then Luke started, like always.
"I told the girl that I like since weeks, what I feel for her. And she feels the same."
My heartbeat was so fast and I felt nothing more than love.
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Heyy.
I think I really like this one.
If you have any suggestions than tell me them :))
