bite me (literally)

1

Halloween has always been a most triumphant holiday for Bill and Ted to celebrate. Not only could they score candy for free, but they also enjoyed the general vibes of late fall. Nothing compared to summer, of course, with its promise of suntans and suntanned babes. But something about this time of year always felt like new beginnings. A short wait until the new year to make more excellent history.

"Ted!" Bill spoke up, and Ted looked up from his own Halloween bucket to see Bill holding up an astoundingly large candy bar. "Dude, king size!"

"Excellent!" Ted complimented, and they shared a short air guitar before continuing to dig through their respective candy buckets. They had decided to dress up as vampires that year, with fake teeth and everything. Not your classic Dracula, however. Instead, they decked their costumes out with some truly magnificent punk-rock accessories, generously provided by Missy and her sewing skills.

Nearly every house they went to gave them a strange look. They got a few comments about how they're "too old" to be trick-or-treating, and a few that questioned if they were really even dressed up in the first place. One place even refused to give them candy, instead slamming the door in their faces. A downtrodden, "Bogus," had been emitted from them as they went to the next house on the street.

"Dude, we totally hit the jackpot tonight," Ted said as he started separating his candy into different piles; candy, chocolate, and empty wrappers from what he'd eaten on the way back to Bill's house. "We better go slow, though, to avoid getting a most heinous sugar rush."

"Ted, my friend, you are most certainly right," Bill nodded, beginning to toss his candy within Ted's piles. "We should definitely limit ourselves."

"Definitely." Ted looked up at Bill and grinned, Bill doing the same. He still had his fake teeth in, and it made Ted's head do a wonderfully strange thing. "Dude, if I didn't know any better, I would totally think you're a vampire."

"No way," Bill laughed. "You would totally be a vampire." Ted thought about it for a second before shaking his head, looking down with a grin.

"Dude...," he suddenly said, and Bill furrowed his brows at Ted's suddenly awed tone of voice. Ted had gotten to the bottom of his bucket, and what he pulled out next was most shocking. In between Ted's fingers was a thin, short, half-smoked joint that had somehow miraculously not broken from the jostling of the candy.

"Dude, where'd that come from?" Bill asked, scooting towards Ted to inspect.

"Someone must've dropped it in my bucket by accident or something," Ted said, turning it around in his hand. He's seen them before, when he's walked by groups of people passing one around outside. He once even saw his dad arrest someone for it. "Dude, this is most unexpected."

"What should we do with it?" Bill asked, leaning back and looking at Ted. Ted met his gaze, and he blurted his first thought.

"Dude, we should smoke it!" he exclaimed. Bill seemed surprised at Ted's blatant suggestion, raising an eyebrow. "I mean... I don't know, what else can we even do with it?"

"Well...," Bill hummed, looking off in thought. "We could throw it out. But that's such a waste, dude. And I'm not about being wasteful."

"Bill, I saw you toss your entire lunch into the trash yesterday." Bill pointed a finger.

"That pizza was truly odious, my friend. It was destined for the trash." Ted laughed as Bill stood up, walking over to his dresser.

"What're you doing, dude?" he asked, and Bill didn't answer for a few moments as he dug around until he finally brandished a pack of emergency matches. Ted, ever so cautious, stopped smiling. "Bill, dude, I was kidding."