Sometimes I feel envy. Started to see them with another 'me' but better person. A person that has similarities as them. Same interests as them. Same problem as them so they can share the tears together. I guess, it wasn't supposed to be labelled as 'me'. I don't really care about that. At least, they don't leave me. Yet.
I know they are still my friend. They still care for me. I know. And I want to believe it. But as the time went by, I became more and more jealous. I hate this feeling. The feeling of envy. It was too much. I was afraid that I couldn't handle it. I don't want to lost them just because of my selfishness. I also don't want to lost them because of that person. So I just kept silent.
With this condition in our country, we rarely meet each other. Almost never. We rarely text each other too. Sometimes I text them, but they rarely reply. It's okay. They have their own problem. As a friend, I should understand that.
They mentioned about me in their story before. Suddenly, the feeling got replaced with a new feeling. I felt touched, happy. I couldn't express the actual feeling. But one thing I know, I love that feeling. I started to believe that we are still together. I believe that we'll never be apart. The feeling didn't last longer. Jealousy came again. Seeing them with that person.
Maybe it was my fault that I was too focused on something else. I also declined their video call just because of some dumb stuffs. I should have know that. Well, they were lucky to have that person. The one that can hear their problem. The one that have time for them. The one that will always accept their calls.
This feeling of envy never end but I think that it is a curse for me. So I should accept it. I'm actually glad for them to have a better 'me'. If one day, they really left me, I hope that person will treat them better than I did.
