how can I fix it?

the beginning

"I always thought you were better than this. I trusted you and you had to break my trust. I want to say that I hate you, but I cant. It would be a lie." akira whispered. "I wish I never met you" tears started to stream down from his dark and mysterious eyes. by the time ryo out stretched his arms in the hopes of grabbing the devilmans attention, he was too far away to touch. 

I can remember the exact moment I met him. It was a cold rainy day. My back soaked and my pants were caked in mud. And yet, akira helped me up. deep down, I had always known that this so called 'friendship' wouldnt work out but I couldnt help but get attached to this strange boy. his kindness seemed to intrigue me. 

I fell onto my bed. for some reason, I was giggling while thinking about all of the memories we shared. he would always have some dumb story to tell while we lied down in the meadows or while we messed around in the forest. I would try to explain the scientific reasons why those phenomenons were happening but I could always tell that he was only half listening to me. the other half was a world away, daydreaming about helping the rabbits on the moon or playing around with wild animals. 

I always seemed to know how to fuck things up. Akira was too generous to me. I let out a heavy sigh. I wish I could tell him that Im trying to be more human. Emotions are complicated and its easier to not feel things. His lips would always start to quiver when he faced the harsh reality of life. I wish I could protect him, shield him from reality, the world where creatures live and die for no reason. I first realized that we were different when we were young. He would cry over animals, wanting to help each and every one of them, nurture dying creatures back to life while I tried to end their suffering by slitting their throats. 

Rolling over, I hide my face into my feather pillow and let out a small scream. Why? I thought. Why did someone as amazing and as caring as akira ever talk to a stone-cold idiot like me? Soon, I would realize how fragile people could be. I keep forgetting the fact that hes a devil with a human heart. He can be brave, but deep down, hes still a crybaby. If only I could rewind time. Rewind it to a point in time where I could teach myself emotions and love, teach myself how to take care of my akira.