Bitter Sweet (On hold)

Chapter 18

Madison's POV:
I couldn't believe I just did that. Something just came over me and I told her and I even tried to kiss her. Real smooth, Mad. Real smooth.

Great. Now I totally embarrassed myself.

I wanted to look pretty for her, but that didn't work either. Guess she's a hetero. Wow. How could I be so stupid?

And even better, I have to go home to my mom and drunk excuse of a stepdad, Richard. Fun.

I hope I don't get it for going out without permission.

Okay, let me rephrase that. I DREAD getting it for going out without permission.

No, Richard doesn't rape me. But, what he does is just as bad.

I haven't told anyone, but here I go.

He abuses me.

I know, I know. I should "go to the police because that's illegal".

Well, I just haven't gone because of my mom. She loves him. But, whenever I try to tell her, she ignores me. Blinded by love, I guess.

If only she knew.

Even Jess didn't know. I was going to tell Hailey today, but I obviously made a fool out of myself. What was I thinking? She even has a boyfriend. I'm so stupid.

There's just something about her that I can't resist. It's weird. I haven't felt this way since my first girlfriend two years ago. But, I'm not really comfortable talking about that. I'll probably tell you later.

I finally got home, but I wasn't prepared for Richard yet, so I climbed on the car, onto the roof, and into my room. I just wanna be alone right now.

I curled up on my bed, clutching a t-shirt that she let me borrow.

If only she knew how much I love her.

~~~~~

I woke up the next morning, surprised that neither of my parents woke me up. Guess they didn't notice I came back.

I got up and changed my clothes. I fell asleep in the outfit I wore yesterday.

I sat down in front of my desk and looked in the mirror.

My cheekbones are too high. My nose is too big. My eyes are too small. My hair is a mess. Mascara's rubbed all over my cheeks.

I hate what I see.

I decided to go to school anyway, despite what happened with Hailey.

The bus was a lonely ride, like always, but I had my music in my headphones. That's the only friend I need.

Fast forward through the boring old lessons in my earlier classes and it was finally lunch.

Hailey. I need to talk to Hailey.

I went up to her at her table and I saw Hailey look down and Miles pull her toward him. He knew.

"Hey, I'm sorry about what happened the other day. I just-"

"Don't." she said, still looking down.

"W-what?" I said, shocked.

"Just leave her alone, you f*****! She doesn't wanna hang out with someone like you! None of us do!" Miles yelled in disgust.

Wow.

I ran into the bathroom, crying until the period ended and school was over.

I arrived home and went through my bedroom window again.

I headed toward the bathroom in my room and opened the cabinet to get what I've been hiding, just in case.

I hung up the rope and put it around my neck.

Still crying, I set up the video camera to say my last goodbyes.

If you want me gone, then I'll go.

"I'm sorry."