Boy Porridge My Beloved

Bins, My Beloved

I look up from my computer and look at the clock. Looks like it's time to emplty the bins. I stand from my gaming chair and walk to the kitchen, grabbing the binbag from the bin. I walk out the back of the house and star walking to the bins. SUDDENLY IN ALL CAPS I see something moving behind the bins, something is hunched over and throwing rucish around. GOD DAMN RACCONS!!11!1!!!1!

I run over to te bin and throw the binbag down. 

"GET OUTTA HERE YOU DUMB ANIMAL!" I scream.

SUDDENLY (IN ALL CAPS) a creature that isn't a raccoon pops its head out. wait a minute, who ARE you?

The craeyure is not racoon, it is something differeny,

BOY PORRIDGE, MY BELOVED.

"Boy Porridfe??" I ask, "What are yuu doiong here?"

He looks up ag me, his face covered in a thicc with w=two c's layer of dirt. His scrumptious villet orbs stare into my sool. He doesn'y say a work, but his face says it all. hes's trying to find a way to cannibalise.

Before i can confess my belove for my belovef, his handly hands grasp my nibble fingers, and he shoved them into his mouth. Before I can protest, he consumes my hands, like a hoover c o n f s u m e d the fluff. he eats my arms then the rest of me then i doioe. my beloved then finisheds his dumpster diving and svuttles away nto the bushes.