Essence of the Angels (The Starlight Chronicles #2)

Chapter Nineteen

Valarie's POV

When I opened my eyes, I was still on the slab, but it was different. I vaguely recalled how I'd gotten here. Devian had found me and pulled me out from a memory with Julian.

I pushed upright, and he was there beside me, his eyes full of apprehension. I looked around, but Cosmia and Klaus were gone.

"Where did they go?" I asked slowly, and he brushed a stray hair out of my eyes, examined me wildly like I might be hurt.

"Sadie dealt with them while I was rescuing you. How do you feel?" he asked tentatively.

I felt strangely . . . warm and energetic. Nothing like I'd felt just before, when they'd held me down and tortured me with my memories. I hadn't done anything. Devian just pulled me out.

"I feel . . . good," I said, frowning a little. "Something's off though. I feel like . . . I'm missing something."

I looked around, seeing if I could catch a glimpse of something that might remind me of what that missing feeling was, but I was met with nothing.

"Never mind. I'm sure it will come back to you," Devian replied softly, offering me his hand. "Come on, let's g—"

The door flew open suddenly, and my instincts kicked in. Heart hammering, I lifted my hand, and coaxed my power. My magic responded instantly, and a flame sparked from my fingertips, swirling and dancing alight, ready for my commands. I stared, wide eyed with shock. How?

How had I done that?

Even Sadie looked stunned, standing in the doorway like a deer caught in the headlights. Her gaze inched to Devian, and she said meekly, "I was just coming to see how she was."

I snuffed the flame by curling my hand into a fist, and slowly looked to Devian as well. He wore an expression that was incredibly difficult to read. I could have sworn there was awe there, but there was something else too. It looked like sadness.

My mind was going in circles, and by the time we arrived back at the manor, I felt like my brain was about to burst.

I remembered everything about my past.

Meeting Julian. Starting the rebellion. Killing people to sneak through the ranks. Every conversation with Annaliese—with Lucy—and how beautiful she'd been back then. It wasn't any different now, but she had looked truly regal and fierce. She'd had the softest heart . . . one I could never betray.

My feelings for Julian ran through my veins like a sickness. It was different to how it had been before, when it had been a mere memory. A feeling of familiarity mixed with attraction. Now? It was alive in my blood, compelling and full of yearning and pain.

A part of me wanted to forgive him, to be held in his arms and cry.

The other part wanted to scream at him and lash out for what he'd done.

There was also the guilt for feeling that way at all when he'd done so much to make up for it. I felt sick knowing how much he cared for me, how deeply he loved me and how far he'd go for me. However . . .

Do you love him?

The question lingered in my thoughts for a moment. I brushed it away as we pushed the manor doors open.

I had bigger priorities at the moment.

Devian tracked down Reina quickly—we found her in her study upstairs. She glanced up and caught sight of me, then instantly rose to her feet.