In The Midst of the Ocean

One: Water

Do wounds really heal? Naalis nga ba ito? The hatred you been carrying in your whole life, will it fade? It feels like I'm in the middle of the ocean, drown in this thoughts.

I flinch in surprise when my phone beside me vibrate snapping me in my deep thoughts. A text from unknown number.

Unknown Number:
I love your eyes. It reminds me the clean, wonderful, and fresh water.

Nangunot ang noo ko sa nabasa sa aking selpon. Another creep messaging me. There is no way you love my eyes. No one loves them anyways. Even my parents.

Naramdaman ko ang pamamasa ng matado ko dahilan para sampalin ko ang sarili. Ayaw ko na, bakit kailangan mangyari iyon? Bakit kailan eto pa ang maging kulay ng mata ko?

Why did they call me killer? When I just tried to save her? Another message pop. The same person sent it.

Unknown Number:
I mean it, lady. I hope you believe me. My mom said I was the most honest man she knew.

I sarcastically laugh at his message. Of course he is your mom! It is natural that she will say that to you.

Man.

That means he is a guy. Where did he get my number, anyway? Should I call the police?

Ngumiwi ako sa naisip. Tumawag ng pulis? Hindi sila nakinig sa paliwanag ko noon. Pinanindigan talaga nila na ako ang pumatay sa magulang ko.

Tinawag akong mamamatay tao ng sarili kong kapatid. I still remember the voice of my sister.

"She is the killer!"

Hindi ako nakulong dahil walang patunay at hindi napatunay na ako ang pumatay sa sarili kong magulang ngunit tinatawag parin nila akong mamatay tao.

I have this long eyelashes, clean water color eyes, pointed nose, pouted red lips and long wavy brown hair. What is the use of my beautiful appearance when they see me as a monster?

Mapait akong napangiti sa mga naiisip. Kailangan pa ako masasanay sa naiisip kong ito? Ilang taon na ganito ako pero nasasaktan ako. Nasasaktan ako tuwing tinatawag akong mamatay tao, nasasaktan ako tuwing itinuturing nila akong halimaw o isang tao na may nakakahawang sakit.

Naninikip ang dibdib ko pero wala akong magawa kundi tanggapin. Para saan pa ang paglaban?

I'm already in legal age that time, muntikan na akong makulong. Nagkulang sila sa ebidensya at walang nagpatunay sa kanilang paratang dahil wala naman itong katotohanan. I'm proven innocent pero sa mata nila ay hindi.

Pumikit ako ng mariin at marahas na umiling. Tumayo ako at sinampal kong muli ang sarili. Kailangan ko nang kumain.

Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na hininga bago iniayos ang sarili dahil wala na pala akong pagkain. Nakalimutan ko na naman.

Panibagong araw na naman para sa akin. I have magical power which I can't explain. I don't know how can I control water like, am I in movie or something?

Ikinumpas ko ang mga kamay at bumuhos naman ang tubig sa bathtub. I'm already 27 years old woman who has no job, broke, and living alone. Tinaboy ako ng sarili kong pamilya pagkatapos mangyari ang insidenteng iyon ni hindi na nila ako magawang kumustahin o hanapin. Pagkatapos kong maligo ay nag-ayos na ako.

Hindi ko makakalimutan ang pagsuot ng mask, salamin at contact lenses upang hindi makilala. Ngunit may ilan talagang nakikilala parin ako kahit takpan ko pa ang sarili ko at magtago.

Pagkabalik ko sa bahay ay sumalubong ang sunod-sunod na text messages ng parehas na lalaki kanina.

Unknown Number:
Ellarie.
Hello?
Hi Ellarie, I'm Axel.
Ella?
Good evening, have you eaten your dinner?

Who the heck cares who he is? Why is he continuesly spamming me message? What a creep.

Never mind that guy, Ellarie. Just eat your dinner, he will stop messaging you soon. Don't worry about it.

I WATCH the cats in the window of my house playing in my house. I envy that they could cuddle with each other without the fear of being stab behind their back.

All I could do is the reminisce the past. "Ella!" Lorie's voice echoed inside the hallway while running to her wearing a happy big smile. Waving her hands to her. It is sunday and they decided to meet each other.

"Lorie," I uttered and smile.

"May sagot ka sa assignment?" Tumango ako bilang sagot. "Sana may magic rin ako, katalinuhan," she jokingly whisper to me ears. She adore my power to control the water yet I hate it. My uniqueness is the reason why no one ever likes me. And I'm happy that Lorie is here with me.

I chuckle. "I can share my answer with you."

She gasp, hindi inaasahan ang sinabi ko. "Blue eyed people supremacy! Ito ang tunay na kaibigan!" tuwang-tuwang aniya animoy nanalo sa lotto.

I miss Lorie.

The picture of that memory fade away as I snap out from because of the loud noise coming from the phone. Ang pangungulilang naramdaman ko ay biglang naglaho. I glared at it and turn the notifications of. That creep just keep messaging me and it's annoying!

I look at the clock and realize that it is almost dinner. I run into the kitchen and look if I still have food stock for this week. I took a bath immediately when I see nothing to cook. I wear my contact lenses and glasses to cover my blue eyes. I can't bare looking at it. It reminds of everything. Everything from the past.