Bottoms Up, Forget Tonight (Revelry Series #2)

Hakbang 21

"I wanna commit to you,"

That three words... are the words... I've never expected him to say. Parang hindi totoo pero nakakapanghina noong sinabi niya 'yon. Parang tambol sa bilis ang puso ko. Parang pinapasukan ng kuryente ang buong katawan ko. Parang bibigay na ang tuhod ko sa sobrang panginginig nito.

Let me get this straight! Zathrian... wants a commitment? He wants to commit... to me? Zathrian Orozco?! Really?! It's hard to believe!

Paano kung umpisa pa lang, malinaw niyang sinabi na hindi siya pumapasok sa kahit anong commitment? It's different when it's me? How come? Is it because I bruised his ego when I decided to end our set-up? No one has ever done that to him before, right? He never got dumped or rejected.

Hindi ko kayang maniwala o sadyang ayaw ko lang sigurong maniwala. Kasi delikado. The mere thought of him wanting a commitment from me, can already shake my whole system! Nasaan na 'yong galit ko dapat sakanya? Tandaan mo, Hira, may hinalikan siyang iba!

"You're lying." Depensa ko dahil ang hirap talagang paniwalaan ng sinabi niya.

Pinadaan niya ang dila sa labi at bahagyang tumingala. I saw how his adams apple moved before his eyes went back to me. 

"I'm not lying." He countered.

"Really? You're not the type to commit. You said that so many times to me! What changed now? You're lying!" Pilit ko.

He shook his head and looked at me intently. "You changed it..." he said huskily.

Nanginig ang labi ko. "A-Ano?"

Isang beses siyang humakbang palapit sa akin. Sapat pa rin naman ang layo namin, alam niyang ayaw kong malapit siya sa akin. D'yan ka lang, Zathrian, dahil delikado kapag malapit ka...

"If it's still not damn obvious, I like you, Cahira Hennessy."

Nabitin sa ere ang paghinga ko pagkarinig sa sinabi niya! I even had to gasped so I could catch my breath! I held on to my bag tightly while he's looking at me like I'm gonna vanished if he blinks.

Totoo ba... 'to?

"Gusto kita," dagdag niya.

Totoo... nga...

I pursed my lips and swallowed the lump in my throat. I feel like my heart's gonna explode any minute by now! Hindi pa nakadagdag na seryoso ang mga mata niyang kung titigan ako!

Parang hindi nagsisink-in sa akin 'yon. Parang nakalutang lang ako at naririnig ang sinasabi niya, ngunit hindi maintindihan at makapaniwala!

Tell me how the fuck can I process this when since the beginning, I've already accepted that this would never happen?!

Gusto niya ako... at gusto niyang magcommit? Si Zathrian? Si Zathrian Orozco?!

Anong meron sa akin?

I wouldn't deny that his confession is making my heart flutter! It's making my stomach churn! But then... it's hard to trust him again...

Sometimes I wanna blame myself for feeling this way. Ganito ako kasira kaya hindi ko kayang bastang magtiwala. Pero... kasalanan ko ba 'yon? Kasalanan ko bang maramdaman 'yon?

No matter how much I want to trust and believe him, my trauma would never let me...

"Hindi ako naniniwala. You're just playing with my feelings." Mariin kong sabi at nag-iwas ng tingin.

I heard him sighed. "Let me prove it to you, then."

Dahil doon, napalingon ulit ako sa banda niya. Nakita kong medyo nabuhayan siya nang ginawaran ko ng tingin. I bit my lips hard. I have feelings for him but... it's hard to fully trust him.