The Difference Between Fear and Terror

Untitled Part 35

Luke's POV~ 1 week later

The burn of the whiskey as it slides down my throat takes the pain away. The pain of existing anyways, the physical pain hurts as bad as ever.

I slide don the wall to the bathroom floor, clutching my razor blade. Just one cut. Make that ten. Twenty.

Blood replaces tears. I'm in drought. There is nothing for me to do but wallow and cry, but I can't cry, so I wallow and cut.

Nobody likes me. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. Nobody cares.

Please take me away from here.

I can't sleep anymore. I'm wide awake and so confused. What did I ever do to make myself such a failure?

I wish I couldn't feel a thing, yet I wish I could feel again, because this numbness is what hell is made of. How can emptiness be so heavy? It is like a weight on my shoulders, slowly crushing my soul.

I'm all alone. I'm covered in blood. I just wish someone could care enough to find me.

I've stopped bothering to even hide it. The door to the bathroom I'm in is unlocked.

I started cutting my wrists as well. It was like a blank canvas for my bloody artwork.

Urges are always harder to cope with at two A.M. During the day I can possibly stop myself. One day I will have to explain myself. Just imagine having to explain scars to your children. Because scars don't go away. Scars are forever.

But at night I remember. I won't ever have children because I am useless. worthless. Nobody will ever want me. Nobody will ever care about me.

Nobody even notices the light coming from under the bathroom door.

Nobody even noticed the faint blood stains I never got out of my clothes.

Nobody has ever noticed me.

My thoughts have destroyed me much more than blades ever could. Blades cut skin, but thoughts cut soul.

Isn't it scary?

Isn't it scary that I'm ready to die already?

I'm only sixteen. Adults say high school are the greatest years of your life.

If this is the best time of my life I want to die.

It should be harder to keep this a secret. It is written all over my body.

One cut. One cut straight down my wrist. Deep.

One rope. One rope tied in a knot. A noose.

Just one jump. Just one jump is all it would take.