What A Non-Shitty Experience This Is

:,)

I'll be honest, I feel like shit. Shit's a nice word to explain my mood right now.

My feet stood inches away from a precipice, the blurred canyon landscape whirling around me. The wind eagerly coaxed me toward the edge. My hair flew dramatically around me. 

My eyes opened to the soft haze of pink lights. The bright screen from my TV creating light doubles. I squeezed my eyes shut, a sharp sting from my nose reminded me tears were dripping down my face.

I'm fine, I'm fine. I ignored the pain in my chest, taking a deep, unsteady breath, clearing my throat of the lump in it. 

Downstairs, placed on the charging stand was my phone. I already know it featured no new messages. She was in South Carolina, sleeping, probably. More specifically sleeping on facetime with him. My teeth clenched in disgust. 

I'm over being jealous. I just want her to give me back all I put into our relationship. 

Ouch. 

My own thoughts stung me. I pressed my lips together as my vision began blurring around the corners again. Goddammit, these good-for-nothing tears aren't going to change anything. Not your relationship, not you, not her.

What would she think if she knew what she was doing to me? I wondered, no this is pathetic.

I sat up, feeling slightly dizzy. Brushing tears from my eyes, I grabbed a tissue and cleared my nose.

A sudden rush of anger flew over me as I realized I didn't want to feel sad anymore. I grabbed my computer and flipped open the lid. The keyboard clacked as I typed Spotify in the search bar. 

Letting the music play, I managed to turn the corners of my mouth up slightly and shut my eyes.

Shitty feelings or not, I could at least turn it off. Kinda.