Never Too Soon

You Are

POV: Harper

"I um, I think I'm ready to talk about my mother." I sat criss cross on our bed and picked at the comforter. We had just eaten dinner and took our turns in the shower both before and after. The alarm system was armed and the couple across the hall were already asleep.

"Then I'm ready to listen." Lauren placed her book down on her nightstand before shifted to sit directly in front of me and mirrored my position of choice.

"I'll be better off if you ask a question and I answer it." I pulled down my sleeves to make sure my scratch marks stayed hidden. I didn't need her knowing about those. One of them bled and that would just make her panic.

"Okay," Lauren nodded her head and thought for a moment. "What did she do to you when you were younger? Like, around five or six."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head. I had prepared for questions similar to it.

"If it's too much it's-" Lauren went to get me to stop, but I cut her off.

"No no, it's okay. I promise." I stopped her and shook my head. "Her favorite when I turned five was waterboarding. She'd strap me to a dinning chair, tilt me back against the side of the tub, put a facecloth over my face, and ran the detachable shower head directly over my face till I passed out."

Lauren took in a sharp breath, and when I gained the courage to look her in the eyes, they were already wide and glossed over.

"This carried on until I was seven, and that's when she would make me drink gasoline that I would quickly purge and brush my teeth afterwards. Then the cutting kicked into high gear when I turned eleven. She'd cut my legs, spread the wound open with her fingers, and pour salt into the wound and make me sit there for a minute before I could go wash it off." I nervously rubbed my hands against my thighs. "From there I'd crawl to my bathroom and sit in the shower. Some of them definitely needed stitches, but that wasn't an option so I got good at pinching them closed and taping it off with some medical tape that I'd steal from school or when I'd stop by the drug store on the way home with the little bit of money I managed to steal from her purse or whatever my dad successfully sneaked me."

Lauren sat patiently and listened to every word I had to say.

"Next question please." I anxiously picked at the skin around my fingernails.

"Why didn't your dad do anything?" Lauren immediately followed up with the next question. She had been waiting to ask that one.

"She threatened to kill me and ruin his career." I frowned. "He did his best, but there is only so much one can do when you're dealing with someone like my mother."

Lauren nodded her head. "So I am sure to avoid them and work with you on them, what are your triggers?"

"Um," I furrowed my eyebrows in thought. "There's quite a few."

"Even if you can only list a few, that is okay. I just need to know so I can help." She knew what to say for everything I had to give. She had to of practiced it in her head for the longest time.

"I often times shut down when someone is yelling. When someone moves to quickly or raises their hand I flinch. The sight of larger kitchen knives terrifies me. Depending on what it is, violent TV scenes can be hard for me, or someone being violent around me. I'm scared that it'll come back on me, but I never have it in me to run." I looked down at my lap and let the tears fall into my lap.

"When I pinned Olivia to the wall... that... that was probably... you looked at me like... I'm so sorry." Lauren realized how her actions affected me in that moment.