When We Were Good

Chapter 22

Marie was ready for me to find her the next day after school, but she didn't approach me, she waited for me to talk first.

            "Hey," I said, waving when I saw her sitting on the front steps with her headphones on. "Hey."

            "Look who's back," she said, as coldly as she could manage. It definitely wasn't her forte.

            "How are you?" I asked, trying out an I-screwed-up-royally smile.

            "I'm great." Like she was trying to gloat, like she didn't care about me.

            "Good. Good for you." I took a breath. "I'm awful."

            "I'm glad."

            "And I'm sorry."

She paused, like she was giving it consideration. "Better," she said finally.

            "Really sorry."

            "Better," she said again, her voice warming.

            "I just—," I started to say, not knowing what would follow. "I guess I thought it was all going to turn into one of those hideous monster rumours and, I don't know, just turn everyone against us or something."

            "I don't really care about why it bugged you so much. But it hurt pretty bad that you thinking that people thought we were, like, a couple was totally repulsive. Like you were judging me, or that you've just been, like, using me to go to shows."

            "I'm not using—" I flinched. I had used her, at first. "Judging you for what, being gay?"

            "Yeah."

            "Jesus. I'm so sorry I made you think that. It's just that I didn't want people talking about us being... or, I guess, feeling like they had any right to know who I was and, like, who I would want to—"

            "It's fine," she said, "I get it. Sort of. So are you okay with being seen with me again?"

            "It isn't that I wasn't—that I didn't want to, I mean it wasn't like that," I said.

            "I was kidding."

            "Right," I said, "yeah. God, can we just be friends again and drop this?"

            "There is no 'dropping this,'" she said, holding my gaze. "But yeah, I think we sort of need each other right now."

            "Thanks for being the one who gave a shit," I said, and I meant it more than anything.

            "You're welcome."

            "So," I said, after we'd stood in silence for a little while, trying to get over ourselves. "Any big shows this weekend?"

            "Oh wow," she said, "haven't you heard? Josie from Falter's playing solo Sunday night at Holy Joe's."

            And just like that we were back to normal. It was such an unbelievable relief.

            "How would I have heard?" I said, "I only get this stuff from you."

            "Of course, that's the real reason why you need me." I flinched again, but she was kidding this time. "Your social planner extraordinaire, your conduit to the musical underbelly of the city—c'est moi."

            "Yeah, haha. Are you serious, though?" I felt my face warming at the thought. "About Josie? I'd love to see her play on her own."