Endings and Beginnings

Chapter 2: Pulling it together

Cellophane by FKA Twigs

Two days have passed. I've decided to take a break from going into the studio. I can't bring myself to pick up anything related to art. Carter has been letting me stay in his guest room since that night. I haven't left the room, barely seen the sun. I've barely eaten anything. I've been wallowing, drowning myself in my own sorrow and heartache. I haven't been able to do anything. I've been here thinking about everything.

I gave everything up for Dean, for our relationship in order to make it work. I gave up my apartment to move in with him. I passed up moving to New York to pursue my art. I knew he would never leave San Francisco, and because of that I let the opportunity pass. I gave up so much for him just for it to be thrown in my face. I was a fucking fool. An idiot who was blinded by love.

Love? I should have known something changed in him. He stopped saying 'I love you'. He started becoming more distant. Staying out longer. Told me, he and Gabe were just hanging out more. I believed him. Trusted him blindly because I thought he would never cheat. Why? Because he loved me or at least I thought. He stopped loving me months ago, but didn't have the balls to tell me then. He dragged it out. Continued his lie without a single care. Made me look like a fool. Maybe I was a fool. A fucking fool.

He hasn't even called me. Not even a single text. Only person who called was Gabriel, but I didn't want to talk to him. He knew the whole time. I thought of him as a brother, but he couldn't tell me that Dean was cheating. What was I expecting? They're best friends. Of course he wasn't going to tell me anything. I was so fucking stupid. Even our other friends heard about what happened. They extended their hands for comfort, but come to find out, they all knew. They all just watched it fester, and didn't say a word. No warning for the anguish that came. No nothing they left me here to find out on my own.

I was broken out of my thoughts when Carter came in. He gave a solemn look. I sat up to look at him fully. He was wearing jeans and a white shirt. His hair was a bit messy.

"Come on, buttercup. You gotta pull it together. You've stayed in this room long enough."

"I know. It's just..." I couldn't form any more words. I feel the tears coming. The pressure in my head was an indicator of that.

"I know, Keira. I know. But you gotta get out of the room for a bit, please" I took a deep breath knowing that he's right. I can't stay cooped up for long.

"You're right." Carter pulled me into a hug. I listened to his heartbeat. It was grounding. "I need to go get my stuff from his place."

"I'm coming with you then." He said it in his stern voice so I know not to argue with him. I nodded.

We were now on our way to Dean's place. I prayed to whatever higher power there was that he was not there. It was hard enough without him, but him being there is not something I would be prepared for even with Carter there. Soon we were at the door of the apartment. I found the spare key and let us in. He wasn't there. I sent out a silent thanks to the powers above.

Everything was pretty much the same from that night. Except, there was a note on the counter. Next to it was a framed photo of us from the fair. We were so happy. Don't read that fucking note. It's not worth it. Carter noticed it too.

"You wanna-"

"No. I don't want to read anymore of his excuses or reasons as to why he's in love with someone else." He nodded in understanding.

"Let's get to packing."

There wasn't much. I packed up my clothes, shoes and jewelry, leaving behind the ones he bought me along with any other gift he got me. I don't need the reminders. It would only hurt me more. Carter packed up my books, pictures and the few paintings I had here. I grabbed my laptop and chargers, placing them in a tote bag. With three full suitcases and three tote bags, we were done. As we headed to the door, I looked over the apartment one more time. It feels weird. I feel hurt, broken almost. But, this is a baby step of me moving on.