I was at the verge of giving up but there's always this voice of someone living somewhere in my head who whispered, "I'm proud of you."
The thing I hated the most in me was that my mind didn't accept words of comfort from other people because even though it eased my distress, only me could completely erase every negative thoughts that I was thinking. Without my words of comfort, everything was useless.
The silence and placidity of a certain place and my constant reminder to myself that I was something to be proud of were the things that really brought solace to me.
If reincarnation was true, I wanted to incarnate again as the wind. To freely wander around the world and breathe in the horizon. I just wanted to be free.
I raised my hand, my palm facing the sky, and closed my eyes when a mixture of cold and hot wind whistled by. Nilipad nito ang buhok ko kaya noong dumilat ako ay puro buhok ang nakita ko. Kahit naiinis ay mahina kong inalis sa mukha ang mga buhok pagkatapos ay sinuklay ito gamit ang mga daliri ko.
Sometimes, I wanted to voice out my thoughts. I wanted to tell someone about it for them to go away. I wanted to free them in my head. It's not really my intention to cage them. But everytime I was ready to say everything, the thought that they didn't really care about me crawled their ways into my mind. I was afraid they'd act too insensitive.
Then, I silenced myself.
While silenced, I build my own vast universe in my head. There lived stars. Every stars were equivalent to my negative and positive thoughts. Negative were those who shined dimly. Positive were those who shined luminously. The thoughts that were related formed a constellation. And all the stars had invisible strings that were connected to the brightest star in the center, which held all the thoughts and ruled the vastness of my world.
Natigil ako sa pag-o-overthink nang may umupo sa edge ng lounger na hinihigaan ko. Dara grinned at me and snatched the book from my hand.
"Taray, ah. May pa higa-higa. 'Kala mo talaga walang problema sa school," aniya habang may binabasa sa libro.
"Porque tapos na kayo sa filming."
"Kailan ba ang sa inyo? Pagkatapos ng sembreak na 'yon, ah, tapos 'di pa kayo nagsisimula."
Ngumuso ako.
"Si Bloom kasi. Ang daming excuses. Na may lakad daw sila. Na hindi siya pwede this day. And more. Useless ang lahat kung walang director o producer."
Nilingon niya ako at tinaasan ng isang kilay.
"Bakit hindi na lang ikaw?"
"Ayaw niya. Hindi ko raw kaya. Wala naman akong pera. Anong alam ko sa pagfi-film? She's saying facts, though. Wala akong alam. I'm just there to act. Nasa kaniya rin ang script."
"Sana pinakiusapan niyo na lang si Professor na reporting na lang kayo kung ganiyan naman pala si Bloom. 'Kala mo talaga matalino. Mayaman lang at maganda pero bobo naman."
I chuckled. "Matalino 'yon sa math."
She rolled her eyes. "Ako rin pero 'di naman ako feeling reyna. Free 'yong iba pero dahil hindi siya, hindi na rin. Kailan ba siya magiging free, ha?"
"Kung individual lang ang activity, last week pa ako tapos," I said while taking my book back from Dara.
Tinignan niya ako pagkatapos ay ang libro ko. I shrugged my shoulders and leaned on the lounger then started reading again. I groaned when Dara snatched the book away from me and ran.
"I'm reading, Dayanara!" sigaw ko pero hindi ko siya sinundan. Tinatamad ako. Kapag napagod 'yon, saka ko na kukunin.
"Sembreak na sembreak, puro ka libro! Palibhasa ay maganda pa rin ang balat kahit laging puyat! May nag-aalaga siguro sa 'yo, 'no?!"
YOU ARE READING
Broken To Make Wishes
RomanceFor someone who knew how to play with words, love was meaningless when loyalty was gone and trust was broken. Eirlys Sitara Fontanilla's fondness of words made her overthink of things that wouldn't even happen. Her life was far from perfection but...