My Notes App

bpd?

10.01.2021

okay so basically i'm really struggling and i don't know why and i just feel like shit 24/7. i miss u mum amy raine everyone so much and i cant even see anyone till easter holidays so that's sucks. i also think i have another mental illness but like i don't wanna say i have it bc everyone will attack me and say i'm self diagnosing but i seriously want to call my doctor because i'm really concerned about it yk and i feel like everyone's gonna think i'm attention seeking and i'm not but i also feel like im having another relapsing and my intrusive thoughts are intensifying and it's becoming scary and idk what to do anyone because it's getting tougher and tougher everyday but i feel like a little bitch for not being able to handle it because it's not even that hard to deal with yk like ugh, and with the condition i think i have one of the main symptoms i relate to most it's feeling numb and being able to like switch off so i start to get sad and then i just kinda switch off so i never get to feel anything and i just feel so alone yet i'm surrounded by so many people all the time plus i'm worried about school and sixth form as well so uhm yea. i feel like a bitch for venting but like your my best friend, not that makes you entitled to deal with my shit but i feel like you're the only one who will listen to me and take me some what seriously bc everyone else i talk to brushes it off or thinks i'm joking or being silly because that's who i am ugh everything sucks and i miss jamie and i don't know why all i want is for him to talk to me yk but he hates me so i just can't do anything about it uhh like rn i feel like i'm gonna cry but in a few minute when it gets to the point of me crying i'll switch off and not cry and just sit here all numb and i don't know what to do expect hug the dog