My Notes App

depression

23.06.2021

i don't know how much longer i can keep on pushing through this. i can't get out of bed anymore. my limbs feel as if they weigh a thousand tons and my mind in cemented into my pillow. as i finally gain the strength to release myself from the dangerous restraints that is my pillows and quilt my mind screams to lay back down and sleep. fuck work. call in sick and sleep. no. i push through the tortuous mind games and open the blinds. the light flooding my eyes and making me squint; though i can't squint for too long or my eyes shut and i helplessly fall back into the polyester sheets and drift away from reality for five more minutes. that was a long five minutes. five minutes of self degrading. get up. you're being dramatic. you've got shit to do today. fucking move fatass. you've got work. you've got to go shopping. you've got to do your makeup. get the actual fuck up off this bed right now. but not matter how much torture i endure from myself i never get up. not for another hour; because slipping out of reality breifley is what my mind really craves. truth is i hate being alone. but i love it at the same time. like i hate being lonely. this shit petrifies me. having no one to talk to is killing me. but you see, i'm the one everyone talks to. but no one ever listens back.