My Notes App

the second suicide notes

22.06.2021

kiera; hello love. i'm so sorry. i really am i just couldn't do it anymore and i hate bringing other people down with my shit; moaning and bitching 24/7. i really do love you and i am endlessly sorry. i just wish i could hug you one more time. you're the only person who has always had my back no matter what. everyone else i've trusted has ended up hurting me or just stabbing me. i am in so much pain and hopefully when this is all over i'll be much happier and better. it might hurt for now but you'll eventually move on. you find a new person to call you best friend. a new bitch to call lesbo sassy balls. but i promise you'll be okay without me. it hurts so much to keep on going when i'm so alone. my heart is heavy 24/7, my mind is always full of intrusive thoughts that are slowly killing me. i hate everything about my self and i just can't go along living my life like this. and you have full rights to plan my funeral :)

vie; hey... i really don't know what to tell you. i'm hurting. really hurting. i dont want to hurt you. my plan isn't to hurt people. i don't want to hurt the people i love. i really don't. but loving them is hurting me. my heart is heavy. my eyes are heavy. i can't breathe anything more. i love you. i really do. i don't want you to do anything to yourself. you've gotta help plan my funeral. make sure it's just a sesh. i hate hurting people but it's hurting myself faking like this you don't understand like. i'm giving out so much and getting shit back. i try and be nice and i feel like it's all so fake and i'm really just a shitty person being nice for attention and i hate feeling this way. i hate ranting to people. it really hurts. i want to be sick. i hate feeling. i prefer being numb to this. thanks for calling tho. really means a lot. but i can't keep doing this. i hate everything i just want to sleep forever. i don't want to die. i want to be a paramedic. but i can't keep going through this vicious cycle. i keep relapsing and feeling so lonely.  and i don't want you to be sad. so here's some songs to listen to:
10:15 saturday night
give you hell
i love rock n roll
- acc wait just go on my apple music you have face id on this shit
i really do love you and i don't want anything to happen to you after i'm gone because then you'll never get to wear your prom dress; you'll never be able to get a job; you'll never get to shag ethan; you'll never be able to see luther again(cos i'm sure you two will find a way if you're alive); you'll never get to see raia go to prom; you'll never get to be a graphic designer for disney; you'll never get to travel the world; you'll never be able to make your own money; you'll never move to the isle of white; you'll never be tiktok famous; you'll never get fsrtslave to pay you £30; you'll never be able to try and see anna's kids(ik you don't want to see her but); you'll never get to hear any new songs from the cure or the jins or olivia rodrigo; you'll never get to see your favourite artist in concert. please don't do anything to yourself, i want you to be okay. i need you to be okay.  trust me on this. i'll be happier i promise. i love you so much you mean the world to me.

mum; i know. i know how selfish i am. i shouldn't be feeling like this let alone leaving you. you always say i'm your ray of sunshine and that i was born for a reason but it really doesn't feel like it. everything's so dark here. in my head. it's swallowing me. my chest is physically caving in and my mind is just laughing at me. every breathe hurts as i pray it's my last. i really do love you. you don't even understand how much i love you. i am not mad at you for anything you have ever done. i litterally just want you to be so happy. live your life to the fullest for me. live my life for me. please don't turn to alcohol. please don't turn to drugs. please don't do anything to yourself because i need you to be there for raine. look after them please. and use their pronouns. their happiness means a lot to me since i caused everything thats wrong with them (ptsd) and i feel nothing but guilt and remorse that's so heavy you wouldn't understand. i really love you. more than you could ever know. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i. fucking. love. you. so. much. i am so grateful for everything you have given me in life and all of the opportunities you have given me. i can't express how much i love you. i didn't do this to hurt you i promise. i really don't want to hurt you. but being here is killing me. i love you. i love you. i love you.