Death Of The Unknown (rewrite)

This story is a rewrite from my original one two years ago, I did it too see the differences in experience I had from two years ago (2011), till now(2013). Please read the original and tell me how I did with the rewrite.

Death of the unknown

“Ella!” The young maiden heard as she turned around, with nothing to prepare her from the horrific sight that now will forever haunt her thoughts, body, & soul.

“Run… run Ella, RUN!” Her battered friend cried to her, & she did as she was told. She ran away from the horrific sight, the sight of her dear friend being slaughtered alive. As she ran, she could still hear the desperate cries of her friend, until the woods had became silent once again. The deeper she went in to the forest, the more she began notice the red stains on the trees. She could go not back and could only move forward, until her body suddenly stopped. Her eyes became wide with terror as her body went numb, & her mind had gotten filled with horror from the sight. The sight of all those who were close to her, the sight of her parents, family members, & friends being strung on the trees from their limbs, hanging as their bodies were falling apart. Some of them were even rotting with the stench of death all over, as others were newly mutilated, their blood still dripping on to the crimson stained ground.

 Not only where the sights, sounds, & smell shocking to her, but the worst part was knowing who had done this, the thought mortified her, knowing that someone new to her had done all of this in such little time.

 Him.

 The thought of him was once a pleasurable thought, but now it’s twisted, morphed to be her greatest living nightmare.  The sound of a branch snapping had brought her back to reality; she had slowly turned around to face him, her fear growing more, & more by the second.

“Why are you running away from me Ella?!” he said with a wicked grin across his face, as he licks the blood dripping off of his claw like finger mockingly.  A wave of nausea came over her as she stared in to the eyes of this… psychotic beast in front of her, one that she used to call a friend, even at one point, her lover.

 It was too much already, her only thought now was to survive, and she acted upon her thoughts as she had sprinted away from him, not knowing where she was going, or to go as she was jolting past trees, rocks, & anything in her path, desperately trying to find a way out.

“Leave me alone!” she cried out as she heard his footsteps matching her speed, catching up behind her. Her pace slowed down, until she stopped, gasping to regain her breath, she didn’t hear or see him, but knew he was near. “I should have listened to them! But now they’re dead because of you!” she yelled from the top of her lungs in to the wooded forest, knowing he has heard. In reply to her claim, he had moved away from behind a large oak tree and began walking towards her with a massive grin across his face as his left hand began mutating, transforming into a pitch black claw like glove, covered in scales and chains, but there was one detail unlike all other, a glowing Topaz stone in the center of his deformity. “What are you?” she whispered in trembling horror.

 “What do you mean?” He replied sarcastically, pleased with her fear growing more & more as his eyes turned into a shade of glowing amber.

 “y-you’re not even human…” she said in shock as he leans over her.

 “Perhaps, but you won’t be identified as human once I’m done with you.” He said in a mocking tone. Not afraid of showing his power over her. She tried to crawl away from him, but her attempts were pointless as he would only grab her by the ankles and drag her back to him. She had tried to scream but nothing came out of her mouth as she so helplessly tries to escape.

 He pulled her into him, waist against waist, chest against chest, as his lips met with her neck, it brought shivers down her spin as he lightly kisses her neck, but a sudden pain exploded throughout her body. It had felt like a burst of electricity went right threw her, he looks at her, seeing the horror on her face as she realizes what he’s done. She collapses into him, bleeding everywhere, shaking violently; she must have realized that he had eaten part of her neck. Her last sight was of his glowing amber eyes, before he had continued eating her like a cannibal.

 She had trusted the one who had created this nightmare; she had loved him, & now her & those close to her have been mutilated, slaughtered, & eaten alive because of her. Because she refused to listen to the pleas around her, this had happened all because of her.

Fin.