Never Meant To Be

To say their relationship was complicated would be an understatement. Their past was long and complicated and not exactly pretty. They've known each other their entire lives and it had been a combination of hate and love and comfort and fighting.

Katsuki, after getting his quirk, changed completely. Well, no. Not completely, Deku could see that he was still the same Katsuki that he always was except with a few extra layers of confidence and power. And that was great, except that was accompanied by anger, contempt, and the constant need to bully Deku because he was the opposite.

Deku was weak and small. He was quirk-less- useless. After all, that was why Katsuki gave him the name Deku because he was useless.

But then, he wasn't useless. He became strong and powerful and it terrified Katsuki. It terrified him and angered him but he was enthralled. Some would say he was obsessed- Katsuki wouldn't.

Deku amazed him, impressed him but he would never admit it. No, he'd never admit it. Even when those feelings of admiration became feelings of love. Especially then, he'd never admit it.

He was too proud to do something like that. Admit that he loved someone. He'd never confess that all those years he put him down, his mind was screaming at him to stop. Because Katsuki knew the more he yelled and fought and insulted Deku, the farther away Deku would become.

But Katsuki didn't know that Izuku was never that far away. He was in love with Katsuki- always had been. There was something about Bakugo that just made his heart race and his mind calm. He loved him and never told anyone because of course, Katsuki couldn't love him.

Of course, Katsuki would never feel the same way because he always put him down. Katsuki always made it abundantly clear how he felt. And it killed him all the time because he never wanted anyone else. How the hell could he? It was always Katsuki- always.

But it was a losing game.

~

Katsuki realized he was in love with Deku at the end of their second year of UA. He had been resisting the emotion for as long as he could. Trying to crush it and smother it- suffocate it, But it was explosive.

It was like a disease that consumed every part of his body making his blood heat up and his heart beat faster and there was a pain in his chest every time he knew he caused Deku to cry. There was longing and need but it was so unrequited it hurt.

He stole glances as often as he could, not drawing attention to himself but trying to look at Deku as often as he could. It was dangerous because he fell harder and harder every time he saw him. He was so good.

So good that it disgusted him. But it captivated him.

And he had bulked up so much and grew too much. In their third year, they were now the same height, just under six feet. And all of it, gods, everything about Deku killed him because he wanted him so badly. He wanted to tell him he loved him so badly but everything screamed at him not to. No, everything screamed at him to tell him but his pride was overriding that voice.

"Kacchan!" someone called his name- no not just someone- the only one who called him that. Deku. He turned and he came face to face with a smiling Izuku.

"Hi," he said blandly, still mostly lost in his mind. He had been trying to be nicer. Trying to be better, more pleasant and well, they were friends.

The stupid, meaningless insults he spat at him in their first year had stopped. Well mostly. He still slipped up sometimes and he knew it hurt him but he could never bring himself to apologize.

"Are we still on to train today?" he asked, stopping right in front of Katsuki. Their eyes on the same level. Katsuki's heart started racing.

"No shit, we always train together on Tuesdays," he said. And it was good because he was speaking normally despite the raging need in his body and mind. Deku gave a short laugh while scratching the back of his head.