questions of fate | nct

passion?

o n e

Am I better than anyone?

Or am I doing well, at least?

❓

Waking up facing this white wall everyday isn't new to me, especially the warmth I feel every time I woke up. It feels like home, I'm not this kind of person who thinks home and house differently. But you know? Johnny's house with my younger friends make me happy.

What the actual, Taeil? Are you being dramatic today? I thought.

"Good morning, hyung!"
"Oh, Taeil hyung is crying."
"Hendery, can you shut up for a minute?"

Yangyang opened the door and greeted me a good morning. And guess who said I'm crying? Xiaojun. "Good morning, Yangyang. What made you come here?" I can see Hendery and Xiaojun pouting at me from my peripheral vision. "Taeyong-hyung made a breakfast for us today. No, I mean he's doing it everyday but it's special today and I don't know why." Xiaojun answered.

"Maybe Jaehyun hyung kissed him earlier." Hendery raised his eyebrows two times. Oh, this boy. "It's so early to think of that, Hen!" He faced me with his confused look. "Then what time should i think of it?"

"HENDERY!!!"

❓

The three of them were right. What is the event today? I can see a lot of dishes, a different kinds of dishes. Maybe Jaehyun and Taeyong really had a good time.

"At this point, I still don't know how the twenty-three of us fit on one table. But I guess Johnny's mansion is really that big." I can feel their gazes look at me. "That isn't the only thing that's big of me, hyung." Johnny exclaimed. "What the fuck?" Doyoung coughed. "Language, Doyoung!" Ten shouted. And I can all hear their laughters.

As everyone are done with breakfast, Jungwoo washed all the dishes and the seven college boys are already ready for their classes; Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck and Jaemin are fourth-year college already whilst Jisung and Chenle are third-year college. Seeing them being happy with their school activities and being sporty makes me happy too. It's just that.. they feel passionate.

I wish I can be that passionate, too. I want to be happy on what I do and what I can do.

"Hyung! I've been calling you three times already. Do you want to go to my vocal class? I can tell them if you want to join." Jungwoo said while picking his finger infront of me. "I'll think of it, Woo." I smiled to reassured him. But He looks like he's not reassured at all.

"Everyone's busy with their own shenanigans, hyung. And you, you're the only one who stays here alone and without doing anything. Look hyung, It's not that I--" He stopped talking when my phone buzzed. Who texted me? It's not like I have other friends. So, I checked it.

Question of fate?

I opened a message and it says it's from Question of fate. I read the exact message and saw a question,

"What makes you feel passionate? What is the thing you exactly wants?"

Jungwoo peeked his head to see the message too. It's not that he is nosy but I let him see it. "Hyung! This is what I'm saying. Tsk, I know you love singing more than I do. You have the prettiest voice among us, so what's stopping you?" I shook my head. "I- I don't know, Woo. It feels like it's not for me." He's not convinced.

"Then what do you think is exactly for you? If it makes you happy, then why do you think isn't? All of us support you on what you want, even your family. You are the one who's stopping yourself. It's not bad to try."

I guess he's right. I think I'll feel passionate when I sing, it's the thing what I like the most when my parent were still here.

"Taeil, you sound very well. You got it from me, i knew it. You're very talented." Mom said it after I sang her favorite song. "What do you mean he got it from you? You're tone-deaf, love. Of course he got it from me." My father pulled a joke that made us laugh. "Thank you, mom. You two are very talented, too."

And that point is where I felt someone is caring and supporting on what I want. I've been getting compliments that made me feel more passionate on singing. It became my life, music is. Everything went smooth, I met Doyoung and Jungwoo on college who love to sing too. We always have those gigs and everyone are rushing just to have their table and to watch us every gig. I feel loved. My parents are always watching and supporting me too. Everything went well, as if it's what for me.

Not until both of my parents had an accident. And the last message they sent to me is, "Taeil, my lovely and talented son. You know how much my father and I love you, right? When we're not by your side anymore, please go find friends that'll support you, okay? And remember that we're always by your side. Please don't stop yourself from doing anything you love just because we're not by your side. We're not leaving too soon, it's just.. I felt the urge to say these things to you. I love you, son. I know you love me too, haha. See you there."

Jungwoo and Doyoung never leave my side since then. And we also met those lovely boys. They made me forget all of the pain, and never failed to ask me if I was or if I'm okay. But,

I never sang again. It makes me remember my parents and all. Yet they never failed to say that they support me and my singing. Just like Taeyong, he always recommends some vocal classes. Johnny, who offered to stay in his mansion. Kun, who always persuades me to learn new instruments. But, I rejected all of it.

Now, I guess it's time to accept all of it.

"Okay, Woo. I'll go with you, okay?" His face became brighter than before and his smile is so genuine. Is this being passionate feels like? I don't know who handles that 'Question of fate' thingy but I love to thank them.

Who handles it?