Painting Annalise

12.The unconscious slip up

I've decided to leave this line for comments on the motivational pictures <3

He nods but that doesn't wipe away the serious look on his face. It really did fascinate me, considering since the first time I met him this was the most serious I've seen him, if I didn't count how we actually met. It made me question why the earlier events bothered him so much.

Taking a deep breath with the knowledge that there was no escaping this conversation "It wasn't worth it" I answer truthfully before turning back to the empty school field

"so, if Aaron wasn't there you would have let them blame you?" his tone holds confusion

I shrug not bothering to reply

"that's messed up Annalise," he says my full name, making me have an unsettling feeling in my stomach. It sounds foreign from him because that's just how my overthinking brain works, then I begin to ask myself "why is he upset?" or "should I just walk away?" That doesn't mean I like his endearment, my brain just found it odd that he called my full name. It's like when your mum calls your full name instead of what she normally calls you - you automatically know you've messed up.

"as long as the people close to me know the truth, I don't care what the others have to say. I owe no one an explanation." I lean forward on the ledge and his hands immediately pull me down by my waist. His heavy breathing displayed the fear he felt for that split second "are you fucking kidding me, Annalise?" he yells

I smirk at his reaction, it was something I would never own up to but I trusted Brayden and it was the fastest I had ever trusted anyone but I did. Brayden is the kind of person you meet once in your life, and I don't know if this is going to be a fleeting emotion but I feel comfortable with him. There's just something about him that pricked my interest. I would never admit it, but he was like the fresh air you take after putting out the cigarette. Or maybe no boy ever gave me this much attention without ulterior motives.

Yesterday was the last time I would have tried to end myself here because if I decided I was going to end me it would be far away from people I cared about and I would never do it with Brayden close to me.

I am messed up not wicked.

"relax Brayden, I don't want broken bones yet" I mutter with a small smile pushing him away gently

Another person would have pushed my buttons to ask what goes on in my head or started a rumor about how crazy I am, but he stares unable to comprehend what's happening before saying something I never expected.

"you just gave me a little smile" he whispers as if it was more unbelievable than claiming to walk to the moon.

I hum reaching to climb the ledge but he pulls me back

"That ledge is off-limits" he states seriously, his hands still on my waist

Humming I move back from his burning touch and observe the empty sky from the lower roof.

"I'm serious" he whispers

"I know" I reply with the same tone

It's silent again and it would be a lie If I said I didn't want to hear his voice, but I wasn't one to start a conversation. I had learned the hard way when I was younger that I should only speak when spoken to - It was how I lost most of my friends the first time, apparently I was talkative as a child and no one seemed to like that.

"wait a minute, we can't just ignore the fact that you almost smiled at me," he says with a smirk playing on his rose lips.

"I didn't" It was an unconscious thing, it's not like I can process how to stop a smile that I didn't know was forming.

He nods letting me keep my lie "sure"

"Have you always lived in this town?" he asks

From this question, I can tell there will be no silence soon and somehow it sits well with me. Just maybe I didn't want to be alone, this time.

"Yup," I say picking up a little stone

"I can't imagine what that's like" he mutters but I ignore the concern in his tone and throw the stone down the roof

"you don't want to know" I whisper but from how he stared at me, it was clear he heard.

"why..." he begins but I cut him off

"enough with your questions, my turn," I say with my question at the tip of my tongue

He nods in approval.

"How did you find me yesterday?" I ask looking at him so when his emotions betrayed him I could see it all

Yet his face held nothing, it didn't surprise me.

"I figured you would want to be alone so I searched the deserted places in the building" he states with no shame, in fact, he said it too proudly

"what if I wasn't around?" I ask throwing another stone down

"oh, I kind of asked the guard" he mutters but this time there's a hint of embarrassment I can tell from his inability to meet my gaze.

A security guard who gives personal information, did he even know me? Did anyone know me? I never bother trying to get dressed for school because no one sees me so why try. I wonder how many times Brayden had to describe me till the man said no

"why?" I whisper, it's so quiet you could barely hear it

I wanted an answer but I feared it wouldn't be what I wanted to hear. Then again, I didn't know what I wanted to hear so instead I hoped he didn't hear and kept throwing stones down the roof till the bell rang.

I notice my brother and his friends make their way to the field, it was probably all they were excited for. To finish school and play soccer.

Something they actually enjoyed doing.

But I had nothing, my only escape was my art and lately, the art block didn't make it even worth a shot.

Without thinking I throw a stone and it nearly hits Aaron, he sends me a glare immediately as if he had seen me there from the start, so I shrug. His eyes move from me to beside me and the glare develops into something more menacing.

"he has a good glare, I have to give it to him" I hear Brayden tease, making me wonder if there was anything normal about this guy? He found Aaron funny, boys hated me for Aaron.

I'm sure when Casper gets his face fixed he would never speak to me either out of shame or most likely because of Aaron.

Obviously finding him more interesting than I did any other day, I stare at him confused.

"what?" he asks making me scoff

Aaron goes back to his practice but it was obvious his attention was on me, from his continuous glances and the coach's yelling.

Deciding to give him a break I turn to leave, unfortunately, I forgot today I hadn't come alone and now I didn't know how to go alone because I feared Brayden wouldn't let me.

Trying my luck, I look the other way and just walk to the door.

"you're leaving?" he asks

"What an amazing observation" I state sarcastically walking down the stairs

"let me drop you home" he urges when he catches up with me

I would never let anyone drop me at home because that meant regular visits, and as much as I had come to manage Brayden's presence I was still used to being on my own. For seventeen years I've felt alone. Sometimes it feels amazing and other times it feels like the absolute worse. Not once have I ever needed anyone, and habits take thirty days to break.

"NO"

Early update 🥳

Shout out to my readers, I love you all.

Alsooooooo I decided to change the book's name from Beyond the wall to Painting Annalise.