today was the 3rd of december and your bestfriend let you wear her sweater saying it looked better on you than her anyway. little did she know, you liked her.
she had the bluest eyes that you'd ever seen. so blue that you often got lost in them. her hair soft and vanilla scented only making you fall for her more.
you'd tell her about you feelings but she had a girlfriend that she really liked so you hid everything you felt for the past year.
the day you planned on telling her was a hot summer day and she was supposed to come over for your regular meet ups. she was way too over the moon today and as you asked what had her so happy, she mentioned that she'd finally asked jess out.
ever since, there's been nonstop talk about her. by now you've met her and couldn't blame for billie for falling so hard for her but that didn't stop you from hating her.
she was an angel yet she had the one person you'd die without. the only person that knew every detail about you. the only person you loved.
"y/n, are you okay?" billie asked snapping you out of your thoughts.
all you could do was nod as you sat across from your bestfriend and her girlfriend.
what a sight for sore eyes, brighter than a blue sky.
you wanted her but somebody else had stolen her heart.
jess was everything you wanted to be.
she was always so kind and gentle yet you were so jealous of her for having billie.
"why would she ever kiss me? i'm not even half as pretty." you thought quite often.
"y/n, are you sure that you're okay? you look really out of it." billie asked with concern clearly written all over her face.
"billie, i said i'm fine!" you said snapping at your bestfriend with no intention to do so.
the hurt that came across her face broke your heart making you apologize repeatedly and excuse yourself to the bathroom.
you looked in the mirror and the tears started pouring.
this was not like you.
after you let your tears fall, you cleaned yourself up and decided to head back outside to meet them.
"i've decided i'll go. i have... a thing." you said not making eye contact with either of them and grabbing your things.
you headed for the exit before hearing your name being called by billie.
"y/n, hold on!" you heard from behind you.
you turned around and faced your bestfriend with tears streaming down your face.
she wrapped you in her arms while repeatedly asking if you were okay.
"obviously i'm not but go back to jess.. i have to go." you said before leaving her completely and utterly confused.
•••
you'd spent the rest of the day cuddled into your pile of stuffed animals and watching sad movies.
you had fallen asleep a while ago exhausted from all the crying you did.
only thing waking you up was pounding on your door.
you sat up and looked at the time before stretching and getting out of bed to see who it was.
billie wrapped her arms around you as soon as you'd opened the door.
she knew something was up if only she'd known what you were feeling.
you would never ruin her happiness even if it meant sacrificing your own happiness.
"i wanna know what's wrong. please let me in.." she said while still engulfing you in her embrace.
you wanted so badly to tell her your true feelings but you just couldn't find the courage to.
"y/n, please?"
you walked her to the couch and you just looked at her for a whole before opening up your mouth to speak.
"billie, you've been my bestfriend forever but the love i feel for you is quite stronger than a platonic one." you said finally giving in.
"i know you're with jess and that's okay as long as you're happy that's all that matters." you said flashing one of the fakest smiles you've ever given someone.
"you don't have to pretend ya know?" she'd said looking past the act.
"i can see right through you. you're not happy and you haven't been for a while but now i know why." she said looking at you then looked thoughtful before speaking again.
"why'd you hide this from me?"
"i wasn't gonna wait this long.. the day i planned on telling you is the day you finally got to ask out jess." you told her truthfully.
"oh god i'm so sorry about that.." she said feeling bad.
"don't you feel bad for anything that you had no idea about." you scolded.
"yeah but if i'd only know-"
"but you didn't so don't worry about it." you said cutting her off.
"what do we do?" she'd asked.
"nothing. you have jess and i don't want her hurt because of my selfish needs." you told her.
"it's not being selfish, y/n, it's-"
"like i said just forget about it." you said cutting her off yet again.
"y/n, don't disregard your feelings for sake of someone else." she told you.
"why would you ever kiss me? i'm not even half as pretty. you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, but, you like her better." you said letting a single tear fall.
i wish i were..
words: 904
