Farewell

"December 25th
2:36 A:M

I swore to myself that I wouldn't amount to anything relating to a mere low life solution such as writing on this damn paper; but for some reason I've caught myself considering if writing anything down on paper would help for all the shit that happened because of me or has something to do with me in general. I can't believe I've stooped so damn low to even be writing anything just for the sake of wanting somebody to at least be willing to hear whatever I've got to say... I guess this'll just have to do then.

My name's Katsuki Bakugou and I truly have made my last and final move. I'm supposed to be this high and mighty person... Number 1 hero at that... but I can't let myself be a number 1 hero anymore. I've noticed something. In this world the next best thing to a family being there for you is friends, which I thought I had. Since elementary school I thought I didn't need friends, I just wanted to bring down Deku with high and mighty power. Never did I think that my words could be taken seriously by that twerp. It pisses me off everytime I think about it. All the things I could have done better. All the things I could have said instead of what I did say.

Deku truly did get on my nerves. Somehow that bastard still is able to get on my nerves. Just the thought of him boils my insides to the damn max. I still remember the time I told Deku to take a swan dive off the roof of the building, just so he could be born with a quirk if he ever was given a second chance at life. Deku truly never judged me for who I was and what I did to him or said to him. He always tries to stay by my side or somewhere I have a clear view of him. So the thought of him taking my advice back in middle school scares me. If he had jumped off the roof and didn't survive I wouldn't know how to live with myself. So I am truly thankful that he didn't. But I can't help but beat myself up about all the horrible things I've done. There's also Kirishima... The actual friend I had and never showed how much I was grateful for him. If I could rewind my life to the time I met Ejiro and Deku, I would do it all over again but properly.

It pains me to say this especially to an inanimate object like a piece of paper but... I'm truly alone. I have no one to come knocking at my door begging me to open it because I haven't eaten anything for the past 2 days. No one would kick my door down if I randomly sent a 'goodbye' text to everyone because there is nobody left to text. But I do have to say I did this to myself. So I guess not all good things last.

I miss how things used to be. I miss the way Kiri would annoyingly support me. I despise the fact that I absolutely feel so empty without annoying Deku to find a way to piss me off and learn so damn quickly just off of the notes he solemnly wrote about me. I read those notes by the way. Every word. I'm ashamed to say that I couldn't help but cry from me just holding his stupid notebook.

I just don't know what to say anymore. I feel so empty now. Like there's no meaning to life anymore. I truly do feel like a sinking ship that's burning in the middle of the sea with no one there to put out the flame and mend the break... Please, for the love of god I truly am sorry. I lived my life thinking I could be number 1 as if it were a video game; but boy was I wrong.

Along the way of writing this useless paper as if it was some stupid writing assignment, I thought about what would happen if I left this out somewhere for somebody to read so I could be saved. I doubt anybody would even think twice about looking at it. Who would even want to attempt to save a worthless blonde like me anyways... I know I wouldn't save me even if I saw me suffering. I would allow myself to suffer with everything that's been eating me from the inside out. I would stand there and watch myself lose myself to the forbidden darkness to be swallowed by all the guilt I have for anything hurtful I said and done.

I chose to text the remaining contacts I couldn't bring myself to delete. There's only 3 contacts that I couldn't bring myself to delete. Ejiro Kirishima, Shoto Todoroki, and... Deku... I want to apologize to Kirishima for everything I've said to him. I want to run up to Todoroki and apologize for belittling him and for destroying his confidence and ruining any chance he had on being with deku. Then there's Deku... I wish it was me.