Coffee Talk: A Sip of Trans Hope

Episode 1: First Date

Tyler Episode One

T/ 12:30pm [looking forward to seeing you tonight]
B/ 1:08pm [got a new dress just for the occasion]
T/ 2:16pm [it is a special one, they say this tinder thing doesn't work, but here we are anyway]
B/ 5:00 [just got home from work, see you soon handsome]

...............................

"You told her right?" Allison is standing in my doorway as I get ready, signs of worry paint her face.

"Told her what?" I take the stance of playing dumb, looping my belt around my new jeans.

"You know what, I worry about your safety." She's looking intently at me, I don't make eye contact back.

"There won't be any of that tonight, let me show her my extremely charming personality before I drop the bomb." A chuckle escapes my mouth.

"Tyler you know that's not safe."

"Let me pretend, just this once Allision."

Allison's hands fall from the door frame as she walks away back down the hallway. I shift my jacket around my neck as if it changes anything. They say the hardest part of transitioning is the needles and surgery. That's not true, it's everyone else. I can handle the physical pain, it sets me free from the emotions. Gender euphoria they call it. First date without a binder, don't know how I would explain these scars given we find ourselves alone. I could tell a story about swimming off of New Smyrna beach when a great white shark, right off the set of Jaws attacked me. Yeah, that'll work, she'll believe that without a doubt.

I'm less focused on getting in her pants and more focused on paying attention to the kind of coffee she drinks. I just want to pretend for one night I'm just a normal guy, going on a date with a normal girl. Well, I assume she's normal, I've never met her, she could be the female version of Ted Bundy. The woes of meeting people on the internet.

I grab my new, black, watch off my nightstand and tighten it around my wrist. They say every man needs a good watch.

My phone lights up, a message from Bre, I guess she hasn't changed her mind yet.

B/ 6:29pm [ Almost ready :)]
T/ 6:30pm [I'm heading out from my place now, I'll be inside by 7]
B/ 6:32pm [it's been so long since I've done this]
T/ 6:40 [me too, drive safe]

The best place to take a girl on a first date is a coffee shop right? No one wants to be asking the basic questions while starving and shoving steak down your throat. I've never understood that, it's not cute. Maybe that's just my anxiety, it does talk to me at the most inconvenient times, like another person whispering in my ear. I repeat my mantra to myself "I will not catastrophize this."

Grabbing my phone from my bed I wonder how it will feel to lay back in it tonight. Will I feel butterflies wondering what to text her? Will I be deleting her number and swearing off relationships? There's close to infinite possibilities but telling her I'm tran's isn't one.

A normal guy for just one night.

I walk out of my room and head into the kitchen to tell Allison bye. She has the privilege of being both my sister and my roommate, lucky gal.

Allsion immediately begins, "You said you were going to May's Coffee, right? Meeting at 7pm so you should be done no later than 10pm, I mean they close at 10pm, so yeah you would need to leave by then and....."

I lean against the counter, staring at childhood photos of us on the refrigerator, "Sis, I'll be fine, deep breaths, we've worked hard to get to this day, I love you." As I finish, I walk over and embrace my sister. We have always been close, not the typical bickering siblings. Maybe that's due to our shared trauma.

"Mom would be so proud of you." She whispers. I can feel her body go tense, she's tearing up, her head resting against my shoulder.

"I hope so." I whisper back.

She holds my arms and looks back and forth between my eyes.

"Sis, I really gotta go, I can't be late for my first date."

As I walk out the front door, I feel the slight breeze against my face, the leaves are slowly changing. Running my fingers nervously through my hair, I breathe in my cologne. If I don't smell like a first date, I don't know what does.

I wish there was more traffic to give me more time to formulate my introduction, but there's not. I'm in front of the coffee shop within minutes and I see her walk in. Good to know she is exactly as her profile showed. She walks with such confidence, the story of the new dress appears true. I can't breathe.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Feedback welcome you can reach me on instagram @logans.goodreads or email me: pancakesandoj@gmail.com (eventually I will make a new email but for now you get to think about food). I am currently working on a novel about a trans guy transitioning in a small town and falling in love. I'm using wattpad to get feedback and practice. I hope you enjoyed this start. Way more to come for our guy Tyler. Episode 2 will feature Bre's perspective.