Butterflies (boyxboy)

Chapter 23: Tears

"Do I find you attractive right in this very moment?"

☆

"Hey, look at me." Blake says. His voice calm as he takes a step towards Tamesh.

"I can't." Tamesh utters under his breath.

"Why?" 

Tamesh stutters,  "B...because you're naked." 

Blake places his hands on his bare hips. "Are you serious right now? You've just been staring at me!" 

"I know, but I was looking at you differently just then." Tamesh tries to explain. 

Blake huffs as he hurriedly turns and grabs his coat from the floor and puts it over him, covering himself, the belt acting like a tie, keeping the long garment in place.  "Will you look at me now?" Blake requests. His voice almost pleading in tone. 

Tamesh slowly turns around. He looks at Tamesh's sorrowful expression. "I'm..."

"I swear Tam, if you apologise one more time...." Blake interrupts.

"I was gonna say, I'm gonna get a drink." He smiles weekly. "Do you want one?" He knew what he was doing. Not just wanting to get a drink like he had just stated, but Tamesh was also trying to dismiss the words he had just uttered. Words he had never spoken about or admitted to in his entire life, that he has a fear of vulnerability, a fear of falling in love. 

Blake shakes his head. "No, I don't want a drink."

Tamesh turns to head towards the small counter fridge but Blake stops him in his tracks by grabbing a hold of his wrist. "Please Tam, stop, just wait." 

Tamesh freezes on the spot. The touch of Blake making him feel like he was being touched by fire, it ignited sparks within him once again. "Please, let me go." Tamesh mumbles like a weak and defenseless child, but Blake chooses to do the opposite.  He takes a step closer, slowly using his hold to pull Tamesh around and with his other hand, he wraps his arm around his neck, pulling him into an embrace. 

Tamesh closes his eyes, as he feels his whole body melt in the hold. His head suddenly feels heavy on Blake's shoulder as Tamesh's nose nestles into the crook of Blake's neck. He finds himself inhaling the masculine scent of the model like it's an intoxicating potion, weakening his resolve. 

"Don't say you're not worthy of love Tam." Blake utters in the shell of Tamesh's ear. He strengthens his hold a little more, running his fingers through Tamesh's hair. 

Tamesh now lets his other arm, which was hanging dormant from his body, wrap around Blake's back. He grips the fabric of Blake's coat into his fist and he cries....and cries.

Blake continues to sooth Tamesh, with calming pats to his back until he feels like he's all cried out. He pulls away from the hold, his eyes feel like they are stinging from the tears, as he wipes them with the cuffs of his sleeves. Blake tries to catch his gaze. "How long have you been holding onto those tears for?" He asks with a smile. 

"Ah I don't know?" Tamesh sighs, now using his sleeve to rub all the moisture from his face. 

Blake watches as the artist tries to compose himself. "Do you want to get out of here for a bit?" He suggests.  "I know a good pasta place." 

"Sure." Tamesh finally looks up at Blake through puffy eyes. "That sounds good." 

"Good." Blake says with a smile as he pats Tamesh's shoulder. "I'll go get dressed." He turns and leaves the artistic space to go dress. 

Tamesh watches him go and once out of sight, lets out a sigh. He was a complete mess right now. It felt like this moment had been creeping up on him like a monster on his shoulder for years. A monster he had managed to keep at bay for all this time, but now Blake had just made him face the monster, the fear demon. And now being faced with the dark, would Blake really be able to help him step into the light?

***

Half an hour later Blake and Tamesh are sitting in an Italian restaurant with two bowls of pasta before them. Blake begins to help himself to the food, he glances up at Tamesh as he watches the pasta land on Blake's plate, Tamesh's hands still in his lap, his head down slightly. "Just help yourself Tam." Blake prompts, causing Tamesh to nod slightly and spring into action, helping himself to the pasta from the other dish. 

"This is the best pasta I swear!" Blake says smiling, as he hesitates no longer, shoveling the food into his face. 

Tamesh tries to mirror Blake's enthusiasm. Yes the pasta smelled great and yes he was actually quite hungry but Tamesh knew it was only a matter of time before Blake would ask. Ask why he got so upset back in his studio and he honestly didn't know where to start.

Blake could sense the discomfort in Tamesh's body language and seemed to address the thoughts running through Tamesh's mind. "You know just because I decided to tell you about Sonny, doesn't mean you have to tell me anything. It's not a competition, ok?" 

"I know. Tamesh says he feels the relief in the words Blake spoke. "I want to do it but I just don't know where I should start." 

"Well..." Blake begins through a mouthful of pasta. "Am I right in saying that right now in this moment that you possibly, maybe find me just a little bit attractive?" 

"Well..." Tamesh looks up at the guy, cheeks filled out with food, looking like a puffed out chipmunk, tomato sauce dribbled on his chin. "Do I find you attractive right in this very moment, right now?" 

"Yeah." Blake reaffirms, sucking up a string of spaghetti through his lips. 

"Ask me when you've eaten your food." Tamesh says, his smile a little wider and more playful. 

Blake shrugs off the comment before speaking again. "I like you Tam, I'm sure you know that." 

Tamesh feels the butterflies in his tummy begin to circle and a smile present on his face at the words. "Well then...." He replies, just glancing up at Blake for a fraction. "I guess I do like you too." 

"Cool." Blake says, smiling. 

"Yeah." Tamesh agrees.